Incheon

I am with Min Young now. I am with a great friend. I am happy to spend all night with her and enjoy what is my last day in Korea for this year but I will be back soon.

I read my darlings email and it actually lifted my spirits. We have nothing to worry about and things can be overcome because we have hope I know it will endure and I know I will be back soon. We are strong our love grows and we will be beter than before when we come back.


Korea was good to me and as I am waiting for an airplane to come I just think of the endless posibilities and all the hopes we can attain.

In this world anything is possible. I will write more but as my time is almost up I will end here. I am going home for a short stay. I will come back or move to another city not Missoula whatever my Babe desires. My future is vested in her and I will make it work.

I have much to say and do still but I have to go. Talk to you soon,

I will pray to God and I will do the right thing. Don't be sad and just know you are so loved.

Today Now Forever and Always

Gumi Rest

This is my final story I will write in Korea. I am leaving feeling Vanquished. I hope I did right. I truly meant only the best.

I finished my contract and I worked a little longer. This work was not the best for me. I struggled more than I would have liked. I had to fight over simple things that I feel anywhere else I would have had better results. This is nothing to do with Country, or kids, or even Mr Jeong but just my feeling.


I don't want things to be hard when I leave. I dream of a better future. Going home will make it so I can do everything. I will get the things I need in order to prepare for 2 years later. I will anxiously and happily wait. I can't say Goodbye and feel good. I think that this is too hard.


I know in Korea a man is supposed to cry 2 times in his life. 1. When he is born and 2. When a loved one dies.


I am taking a vacation, I am trying to find another Job I am fighting. I am capable and I will succeed and I just need more than Hope to follow me. I loved Korea because of one person~ The things here in Korea are wonderful. The old ancient history, the calm in the morning, how people can be kind.


I hope that my race, my age, and everything else I can't control will not be an issue. I know its an issue in the Country and I just wanted to be a better man all the time. I finished my packing and cleaning today.


Today my girlfriend did so much for me. I didn't understand why but now I do and I am proud and happy. I love her so much she is amazing and the best woman in the world. To say how much I love and care about her is something I can't put in words. I don't care about anything else.


For readers who still don't know how to put proper comments. You have to share the experience to understand the situation. My girlfriend laughs and thinks the same as I do so please think more.

I am going home now, its sad and a little unfortunate but I just want to say that I know I have the most wonderful things in Gumi

1. A charming girlfriend who is my right arm my better half and my future.
2. A nephew who calls me Uncle.
3. A sister in law who liked me.
4. A brother in law who is COOL

and the makings of a wonderful family tradition I just hope that it happens sooner.

Its our life... Live our dreams and don't let anything die. As hard as it is to accept this I am doing all of my things for you.

Forget-me not Fighting Finish

Today was the last day of work. I got a book from a student and a few notes. I wish I had been able to keep my going away more secretive. I have mixed feelings now. My job is terminated and I will be going home soon.

I had to fight so much in the classroom, I overcame Mr. Jeongs scrutiny and character flaws. I had to deal with faulty irrational, and misguided students. Students who to this day still don't know the meaning of RESPECT and how to behave properly. I had to forget about all of this and just focus on me and how to be a better teacher. I wonder why students or people always wait until the last minute to say their feelings.


I got a note from Amy a girl who I always thought was dumber than most kids in her age group but she liked my class and she said she'd miss me. I thought now I am too hard on her. I cared to much. I showed my temper to students a lot. It rankles me that I had to face blatant disrespect and also unknown encounters.


My Korean Experience opened up my eyes from a young inexperienced boy to a traveled man. I still lack a lot of experience but my determination and work ethic improved. I would like to think so.


Back to the central question... Why do people always wait until its too late. Its best to express your feelings now and not hold back. Here are some of mine. I want to leave this place to go to a better place. I will go home to try to get a career underway. I want more money and a stable income for my future but my future is devoted under True Love. I don't want anything to stand in the way of that.


As far as my experience here is concerned Working at Yale was mostly unpleasant. I had to many students leave without saying goodbye latest one probably being Jerry. I had too many students just treat me with so much distaste that it hurt me. If you must know the truth I don't know what to think.


I got 4 letters: Amy and Jessica Tc2 students, Ciarra Tc1 who I will remember always. I wish she would have talked to me more. and Ann---my fighting student who is smart but reserved.

Solitude has been my life here. I have lived alone, worked alone, and now face an unknown future alone. While I am determined I still don't know. I have lived alone for to long I don't know what its like to be back among people and I am afraid to find out. I care so much because I have many wonderful things here right now at this moment and my decisions are bound to have ill effects.


I sit in my room now and think of how to make the future and the world a better place. I think I made the best of my time here and now its sadly time to say goodbye. I didn't mean to hurt anyone. I am going home in hopes of establishing a lucrative study and work plan and build on a dynamic future that will take me to Korea, America or anywhere but whatever it may be it will be to my Womans heart.


So today I had a quick day at work. I didn't cry. I felt bad leaving some kids but I made it through the day without crying. I don't want to remember much of the Academy.

I will remember Vicki and Christina and how we had our system. I wish that they didn't worry so much about work things. Miss Jeong is always going to be stupid and weird, Mr. Jeong is just going to be driven for money regardless of the cost or activity, and the kids are going to be "mis-guided" country cow minded students. There are a few who stand out and I should say that in most respects the students are actually brighter than I made them out to be but I will not forgive or forget the idiocy of students like Alexa, Diane, and many more uncountable figures.


I won't get into it right now. I am sadly done. I will go home to an unknown future and a place where I am scared to be. I think I will return to my solitude as Ann told me in her note simply because I can't bear the shame and fear I have for living back home.
.

Its my Quest and hope to make everything better but I am worried now that I can't


I told many students today to do what you love. Life life to its fullest and honestly don't let anything or anyone hold back your dreams. All good things are worth fighting for and all good things aren't going to hold you back but hold you up. I have found my pedestal and it burns me that I am going away for a short time.

I write this holding out a prayer for hope. Its all we got and we can do it. We can't live our life with regret and furrowing over the unknown we can do what we want and we can do it now. Seize the Day and please Don't Worry for I think and therefore know that it will be ok.

Jam packed day

I had the day off and it was nice to spend unfortunately my last Friday here in Gumi with Christina.

I went Swimming and got some exercise. I had a good time downtown I bought a shirt and looked around I wanted to buy more and figure out some more things but unfortunately I ran out of time. This weekend I will take care of last minute things before I go back home.


I want to go home to say goodbye to my friends and family before I prepare for my career move. I want to develop a career so I can get married and have a successful business career.


Today was sad for me because it was the second to last day I will be downtown and one step closer to leaving.

Why am I sad... Well I can't be happy packing away memories and leaving behind the most important asset to my life. Its too much for me to take, I just pray that something good will happen. I knew this day was coming for the last 6months but I didn't prepare at all.


Christina packed my suitcase. It was a big help because I need her to help me pack away OUR life. This idea is very important to me because I don't want to be like another Foreigner and be leaving and that was that. I didn't mean to leave like this. Its not my intention I want the best things for my gf.

I went out for Soju and had Su dong too with the guys downstairs. It was a good time but I am glad to be back home and return to my hopeless affair of packing. I wish I could have gone downtown or Pappa again and take care of more things.



I write this post knowing that my posts for Korea are limited. I wil probably finish these tomorrow,

I dont want to end this but its time I move on from this blog to the next blog or something.


Today I had a great time only because Christina. I think of the world of her. I am kidn of selfish I don't show my real feelings all the time and I only mean for the best to happen. I know I am difficult and I know I am prone or likely to making mistakes but I will always care about all I do and I will NEVER NEVER NEVER show my temper or walk away from anything.

I will be better.


So Swim, Soju, sorrowful packing and Sweet Serenity with My gf marks my day. I won't refuse anything ever again.

Living Dreams

Its the goal of a write to write things as they see it. To tell the story as if they were there in person able to tell you this. Whether its serious, funny, honest or just a fact this comes from the heart. Its my last Thursday this is becoming more and more not how I planned but then again that's life.

From the beginning I had my Ma2 class which I teach once a week and thus far still haven't connected to the kids and don't intend to. They aren't bad students but I am tired of ABC teaching. I have had a problem doing ABC and then doing T-O-E-F-L lessons its just not a conducive situation to me.


I actually cared when I taught my last classes and felt bad for not telling them I am leaving. It will be a shocker for sure and I regret not telling Rick or Hyena. Those two I have taught the longest I think.


I am leaving and I don't want that to show that I am giving up. I feel there is a better situation out there for me, Christina and Vicki too. My leaving has nothing to do with the dumb kids---I say that because today I found out that some students expressed a regret for treating me poorly. Its horrible. Most of the kids didn't even care I was leaving but rather who would teach them. I feel bad to say this but I think just like when Pearl left none of the kids cared at all. The kids are here only because their parents and if they leave they wouldn't say goodbye. I don't want the kids to be a reason for anything. This job hasn't been good to me and I don't want anyone to be here.

I taught Rose my TD1 star (ex-star) nowadays I am tired of her. I used to be tired of Hwajin, the ex-Td2 student who doesn't even come anymore. Rose is that new girl. She is a class of one and a complete waste of space. I talked to her and asked her questions about everything and felt worthless doing it. She is a girl who can't think a single thought on her own. I tell her stories to try to motivate her but there isn't motivating a girl who works like clockwork.

I was told today by my best student it will pain me to have you on a plane. I was touched and felt saddened because its already going to be hard. I am leaving I can't imagine.


This is my final week in Korea. I am scared, sad, and wish I had a clear answer. My answer is vested into Christina. I would probably kill someone if she wanted that's how much I love her. Not only is she my best friend, girlfriend and future wife but she is the person I want to walk through the world with. I miss my family my friends but I can endure being without them. I want to push myself harder I want things to happen and do the unthinkable. I wish I knew more to do cause I don't know.


It was the last teachers meeting and this is killing me to write this as I speak I can't imagine not working with Vicki and Christina now. They wash my cup for me they take care of me they help me out so much and they don't care about anything when it comes to me. They will share all with me.

We have a diseased secretary a weird boss and a system that doesnt do anyone favors Life back home will not be perfect---I won't make as much money, I wont have a good job but I think it will be better than the job. There is nothing about this job I like to put it bluntly.


People said I was a fool for staying longer, people think I am foolish for believing in what I do. I feel ripped apart and stand alone because all I care about is making the impossible POSSIBLE.

I will go home and I will work harder than now. I will build a future worthy of everything and pray beyond prayer that come Christmas time I can unwrap my greatest present.


WE can do this


more notes about today
I am virtually done cleaning my house and my office space. I have some shopping I would like to do and some last minute packing but everything is done. Tiny little boxes makes me think of setting up a perfect future. I want a house with a bedroom and a closet for 2 people I want this so much and I just want to make things work out. I will do anything ANYTHING.

Saying Goodbye to Vicki was hard. I hope that she and Christina can make things together. I will come back asap. I know it.


Don't cry anymore I will not do this.

Trying to Avoid Despair

Work at Yale was usual. It was the last hard day I think. I said goodbye to most kids until Mr. Jeong told them that I was leaving and so I had to tell the kids an official goodbye. I think I made more mistakes by trying to avoid this scene because in my opinion it wasn't good.



Saying goodbye to Dana was the hardest just because I think she is a good student and tries to talk to me most of the time. She is so nice I hope I see her again before I leave. I hope Molly says goodbye to so I can see at least know she cared about me instead of being a poor student not bad student but a poor one.


I was letdown today by Dana because I gave her and the class a treat and didn't think that they liked it well enough.


So I am packing my bags and loading up my memories. I am desperate now because I don't want to leave my girl in this unstable situation.


PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I won't let you down I am sorry I had to leave and I will save more and more.

I can't bear this cleaning and choking on tears that won't come because I can't.


Time is too short here both literally day by day but as well as overall time.

I feel that we can have our life the way we want it anywhere you want Korea, America, etc. You will never hate America I promise. I don't hate Korea I love Korea actually. I think its a wonderful place to live and make money I just don't like the weird situations.

I am not like everyone else I want whats best for US and I don't want to make any mistakes. I have to leave right? I wont let you down ever. I am going to make you so proud and happy of me in America


I love you so much, I love you the way you smile at me, and give me a heart shaped gesture with your arms over your head, I love your singing, your dancing, your everything.

What I am doing is never to make you sad or angry I want more for us so much.


I write this with you in mind as always
__________________________

Memoirs of Me

I got my bus ticket, I went to the bookstore for the last time today, I ate a lot and went to Papparoti as well. I cleaned my house and took care of many things are the place.


Work was laid back. I had my classes and just like it started it was over.


I had my best site today just seeing Christina while I was teaching my final class. She was just doing her job and just looked so cute. We have a special communication that crosses all boundaries. I love her smile so much it lights up the room, and it makes my dull class a little better. I teach a girl who yawns and doesn't give one iota about English.


----------------------------
My memoirs from today and all time...

I live in the countryside where people are more skeptical, more judgmental and ultimately provide a hostile atmosphere. The lady who gave me my ticket couldn't speak English at all. I think certain job types should know basic rudimentary English but she was so stupid I think I would have had more success with an elephant. Peanuts please.


Miss Jeong said hi and bye to me today...thats a first.
She is so weird to ask me or Christina for favors. She never asks during work time but always inconveniences us at improper times. I think she a special vendetta against me. I think she doesn't approve of my relationship and she is to shallow to try anything new. She won't stand up for herself she is a work slave not knowing the difference between right or wrong. She doesn't answer the phone all the time because she can get away with it. She dumps work on Christina and I wish Christina would fight her. I hate her because of what she does to Christina.


Mr. Jeong is a foolish man for giving her keys to the Academy. She does all the things he should do. he doesn't know when kids come or go. It angers me because if he did then he could change the policies of the Academy. He runs errands and has his life too full of things to manage his academy affairs.

I have been here for too long its a known fact. I haven't seen anything that makes me feel that there will ever be change here. Mr. Jeong is obsessed with his money, and he will control everything he can I don't want to see my darling and future wife under his whims it pains me to think about her hard work and sacrifice going to him when he isn't interested in taking care of us.


I am tired of Miss Jeong thinking she is the one in charge of Academy affairs. She has no concept of what its like to be a teacher, and she can't listen when people tell her NO or anything. She doesn't learn she is incapable. In a big city she would be swallowed and fired before tomorrow morning. I want to make a career maybe even in Busan to provide a stable safe, and fun job atmosphere for my future family. I don't care about anything else.


So I will terminate my blog this week I am sad to announce this but its time to end the Yale saga stories.


Palmer's Travels can be changed to Kim-Palmer travels I hope


I feel more depressed now than I did in the morning because its slowly creeping inside me that I have to give up this life. I am thinking I did something wrong and I am a horrible person for leaving. I got the most dearest and precious thing in my life and I don't want to lose this thing ever.


I am on my knees begging God to fix me before its too late.


I look around my house now and I see just many things left undone waiting for me to pack away and be swept away with me.


I dont want to leave Yale thinking I am doing something all for not. I pray its the right thing...all I know is there isn't a thing I would not do now. I am willing to do all.

Forever~~~

Busan Revisted

My final trip to Busan for awhile. I was a little tired because I had to work early Saturday morning, I also was a little sickly from a weird Friday happening.


Busan started out in Gumi where we had a lunch and DD drinks at the Train Station
Gumi Yok is my favorite place in Gumi its where everything is. Its a place where I want to remember.

I hope that we pass by it many times in the future.


Love riding the train with my girl. Even if she sleeps mostly. Its a great way to have conversation and also just enjoy good views and scenery. I think its a best way to escape the fast life by riding a fast paced locomotive down the tracks.


Busan was good. We went to her University and also had dinner with her brother. Her University is a place that I would like to visit again. I hope to live here actually there seems much more to do and ultimately better. WE can make many dreams come true.


I want our kids to live in Seoul or Busan.


The Sea was spectacular and the music was a hit. I felt sad to think that our life can't be like this all the time. I think it could be but our job and living in the country gets us down. I want to live in the city because we can take care of things better.



WE stayed in her brother's home and spent the next morning having breakfast next to the coast I hope to go back sooner.

Final Monday

Today marks my last day of work on a Monday. I spent the mornings tidying up a bit around the house and preparing for what will be a busy week. Its horrible I am not at all ready to go now. I feel like I need more time and I wish I could make things easier here but I am not entirely sure how to do that either.


So in the morning I enjoyed hanging out with Christina, and packing a little. I hate packing I feel like a criminal. I am leaving the crime scene and I am trying to take away any traces.


I don't want to remember anything here except for the good times infinite about Christina. I don't want it to fade into a memory either.



Its sad for me to write and think nowadays.


I am going home soon I can't believe it. Its going to be a awful shock:(


I am telling myself this is for Our future but I am just hoping things will fall in place. I just want this to work out more and more. Distance doesn't scare me its the prospect of not making the right choice that worries me.


Today was a fast day the M3 classes were my last time teaching them and I didn't care when I just said see you later. They have no idea that I will be gone soon.


Leaving is hard, staying is harder and I just think of sitting on the dock of the Busan Sea thinking calm tranquil thoughts in a what would be a great Korean city to live.


CAN YOUR BROTHER FIND ME JOB????/I hope so I want to make everything possible.

My Traveling Companion

I have been more or less gone for 3 days. I was sick on Friday with strange symptoms that left me in my bed after work. I fell delirious and weak at work so I gave no homework and floated through classes.


I wish Mr. Jeong would have been more helpful like teaching a class for me but no he's just pushing us as hard as he can without losing a dollar.

Saturday I worked in the morning feeling much more perkier. I made it through all of my classes and went as fast as I could to meet Christina downtown for your Busan trip.


I hope that this isn't the last time I go to Busan I was in a state of Nostalgia and remorse for part of the trip. I sure hope I am doing the right thing.


I went to Her school which I hope we could maybe go together someday if its possible. I want to show her my campus so much and make it her home. We got all of the world for us though I know.

After Campus we went to the beach... It was a beautiful scenery and it was nice to just sit with her and not care about work or anything. I wish we had planned it a little more but it was a very good time as always. We stayed at her brother's house and it was good to see her brother again too.


Vacation is always so fast.


We are keeping scrapbooks of our memories now I love her artwork so much and I love holding onto these memories.


I am packing because this week I will finish my work. I am only planning on quitting this job I will never leave behind my better half. This is going to kill me to leave I keep telling myself its going to be good and its for the best but I am worried still. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am just hoping for a miracle.


I think my leaving will make for a better future if I can get some money saved and also work on a degree program some more.

Work here will always be the same for me. This week I expect kids to throw fits over homework, over my teaching, etc. I expect complaints from parents via phone etc. I think Mr. Jeong will be wracking his brains trying to decide how or what do and I think that the three of us will just push ourselves through this goo of a mess.

In this week I want to make 2 facts Firm:
1. My leaving is only a temporary thing, and I am not leaving behind something that I shouldn't
2. MY world is full of happiness and I am burning of the shining heat inside because of my centerpiece.

I envision a strong future where we will share many dinners, walks, movies, getaways, and our fortunes and fortitudes together. My home is inside the heart. And our home will be great. Also forever will I only have 1 traveling companion.

I am glad I got married once already in a dreary one night carnival in 5th or 6th grade I can't remember...

Hopeless Expectations

I no longer care about the Academy at all.

I want to clarify something here.... I am a man of strong ideals and principles and I do want to work hard and love hard work. As my book says Study Smarter not harder thats a good motto to go by.

I was teaching Rose my smartest student in name of class only. TD1 is the highest level. She doesn't do anything. She listens well, but often looks bored out of her mind. She has no hobbies, no interests to me she is just a walking dud. She doesn't do anything~~~ I used to think of her as my best student. Maybe it was Jully.


I think this is the attitude of most of the kids though.


I hope so much that we all leave here. I don't like checking worthless homework that is garbage anyways. I don't like things being made a big deal. I do my job. I ask the kids for their homework, I tell them to come to my office to visit with me maybe I am unapproachable because I never read homework.


I think Email is a crock because there is no way to insure that the kids are getting emails. Kids are dropping because of our boss~~ his methods aren't good to them. They hate his class. We follow his policies blindly I do it because it gives me money and time with Christina.


I really hope she leaves sooner just because I can't bear the thought of her working here. Being tied to the phone, checking up on the secretary, and taking care of Crybaby's who apparently can't understand that women wear underwear of all things is totally beneath my patience and I can't understand why we continue to live this way.


I say this because I have found my second family and I know that nothing I do will ever change my feelings about that.


Work is pointless for me. I feel no reward I just get paid back for being different.


It was a wonderfully spent morning preparing for a busy day at work and a good night walk.

I remember the night walk in Seoul and think how much better life was and how much I would just stay in Korea despite not being fluent all because of the harmonious and calm feeling I get when being with C.

Centerpiece of my life

So today I realized just how much I want to work even harder. I went downtown to take care of many things before the work day began.

Work was typical~ Level up students, many kids have dropped the Academy is in a quiet phase I kind of prefer this. I wish things weren't so hectic though in the office I want to help more.


I spent the morning working on personal things and also eating lunch with Christina at the Chinese place. The only thing on my mind is Christina these days. I can't care about anything else.


Here is the thing and I am just going to say this here. I came to Korea wanting to learn and wanting to see what could happen in my life when living abroad for the first time.


I have something that is much more than that. I have my better half, my best friend, my confide, my love and the woman I want to marry. I am not worried about other things as they will follow suit.

I lied to a student today because I don't want them to know I am leaving. I don't want more news floating around the office. I am ashamed but I think that the kids won't even care when I am gone.


I write this now because I need to say this I am wanting to make miracles happen, I want things to be enriching and wonderful. I would gladly live more in Korea and I plan to do so in the future.


I want to Plan more things now though because its important we do this. I think that living in America would be great for anyone ~I don't want my leaving to represent something bad.


If I came back and I am certain I will I will want to work in some city that is big, and a young people town. I would also hope or want to live with my girlfriend. I would like a better job.


I want to say this too..

This Academy in my opinion is so so. It would get a C. Mr. Jeong is a trying man he isn't the worst or definitely not the best as well. He is interested in himself mainly. I don't like spoon feeding baby's who will just spit it out all over me. I don't like seeing elderly people ignore me more than young people our age who would accept me, and I think that the longer we stay here is not good. I don't want Christina to feel poorly due to work problems I can promise a better future no matter what we do or where we go.

I think too much about my leaving but its a fact and I cant change it. I promise things will be better. I am going to school again. I want to go in order to insure a more promising future.

I want to make enough money to support family.and also do whatever I can in order to make things happen. I say just because its my biggest wish to fulfill.


Today classes were so so. I am happy to say I didn't talk to Mr. Jeong about my classes so it was fine. I will have to talk to him tomorrow and try to figure things out.


Going back to School, settling down in Missoula and making money for my future Wife is what I want.

An Uncle's nephew

I have been called Nick, Teacher, Babo, and many other names, I have been looked at with hatred, with love, and with every other emotion from A-Z mostly between Curiosity and hatred unfortunately.

I have felt bitter because I am uncertain as to what I should do, I have had to defend my actions to my friends leagues away from me because my friends here are limited and not really what I would call good friends.

Today was a typical day not worth mentioning. I had a good morning as I always do. I felt a little guilty like I am always feeling and work was another typical jaunt of who cares.
I say that only because I am tired of caring what the kids think.

My classes:
TC2: students who talk in Korean, don't do homework and basically SSDD
TD2: Julie and Sarah are idiots~ they play with themselves more than focus on my lectures. I dont care for them and want them to get out of here.
TD1: my special Rose~ a gifted bright student who doesn't like English much and doesn't really do anything. She doesn't talk, she has no hobby's and she doesn't seem to be interested.

I really hope that we find a better place. there is a better place because Kids care about English in other places more. Kids are disciplined more. No matter what we can't sell ourselves to this system. Our teaching can and will be better.
I will not divulge any more on this today....


I was given the best gift other than my darling's love and support the other day.........


A kid I have met 3 times called Me Uncle. So I have been called as I said Nick, Sam, Waegook much to my chagrin, and Teacher, and still I ma primarily viewed as an Outsider. This kid ignored me most of the time but he said goodbye and I really hope to see him again. I want to hold him in my arms and I want to have a son and or daughter or plural like him just because of him calling me Uncle.

Christina and I are together ...Christina is his Aunt and I wish to be his uncle too. I am finding myself having a desire to raise a family and build stronger family traditions with what I got.

I can't express my gratitude and my cozy warm feeling enough. I dream of this and this is why I work.

I want this more and more and I am on my knees.

I will expound on this later but I found true love and a nephew in Korea. I want to cherish this forever.

Revolving

I am out with the truth...
Today was a wonderful day. I met some great people. I think that my future sister in law has a nice husband, she was also nice as well.


I wish I had been grilled more and I wish I had said more. I am very capable of talking and socializing better unfortunately I am dealing with kids predominately and haven't seen the real side of Korea.


Work was work
I had a goal to just enjoy classes today. I had 5 maybe 6 good ones. I regret this everyday now but I am done with Academy's. I wish I wasn't now...


My dream is to build a wonderful future. My age, race etc. is already defined I can't change it.


I do nothing but think about this. My expectations of myself have been raised to a new level due to the fact that I now want more in my life.
I will make the bar I promise.


~~~~~~~~~
Dilemma's
*What Job
*How and Where
*Etc.


Together we can fight through all of this. Time will tell everything but with my heart as driven as it is we can succeed.

I have so much I want to say about this but now isn't the time.

Paradise

Today I went swimming again, I had foot cramps, and was a little tired but it was still nice to relax ... I will be a good swimmer too cause i need the exercise and relaxation.


After Swim I had a big lunch and rested for most of the day. It was a too fast of a Sunday.

Later in the day I went downstairs to watch a film and talk to the guys on the 4th floor they are really nice.

I write this story in haste as I have many things to do and as such I want to plan more diligently.


More soon,

I found paradise and I don't plan on leaving it.

Royal Treatment

Today I went to Daegu. I went to a fine restaurant that Christina had found online.
It was very delicious. Creamed Spaghetti and pizza. We had lemon water and just relaxed in a cozy air conditioned atmosphere.

Being in this type of place makes me think of so many wonderful things I want. I want a sound system, a nice AC system, a set table, furnished vintage around the room, and napkin rings with our initials EJKP and NKP scrolled on them.

Eating Delicious food, shopping, and sitting in the park was a perfect way to spend the afternoon. Daegu is one of the best places in Korea. Its got a city buzz but its also got its places to relax and escape as well. There is "choking air" in Gumi that just doesn't exist in Daegu.


I feel like a King when I am with Christina. I am so happy that we found each other. I haven't ever met someone like her before.


Today was wonderful beyond words, I liked the weather albeit a little too hot, I thought we found some nice clothes downtown and the places we ate at were marvelous.. . It was nice to just escape the byoung attitude of the people in Gumi. I swear there is a sense of no idea on the people of Gumi.


Today made me realize just how much I want to work harder and how much I will always care no matter what happens. I think my fears have been irrational and today I am much more happy than I was yesterday.
src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNecVhcHkQbfKvx0kCY48zS6cJx0oTlLLXRe5ZMBGzxq0XrqSeU9AY-0kbvChoDQd5CWASolkcQUfB-0HadABGEE3lxNvCovLd81lGHw9dSTehKFEUwAsPS3u4vQgH2ST6I5b7N-buBbg/s320/dinner+4.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5230290967991543442" />

I know that there is nothing that we can't beat~ The road ahead is paved with our sweat and toils but the destination is gasping and wonderful^^

ME

I never wrote about Just me before.
Today was a special day because there was no work. At this moment I would be teaching Md3 and probably yelling at them.

I had a strange day. I couldn't read or figure out what bus I should take and ended up being real late. I also didn't get off at the right stop so I had to run for 30 minutes to just get to the gym.

Along the way. The bus passed a car on a two lane inner city street and had to go real fast to avoid oncoming traffic. Then he had to slam on his brakes to avoid an Ambulance. I was happy to get off the bus to say the least. Its a little scary.


I know I am not perfect when it comes to successfully adapting or just simply living in Korea. Maybe its a small town I don't know.


I want to do whatever I can in order to make things right. I have a twist of guilt about decisions I need to make and I think my tension is just making me cry out for help. I unfortunately should be better.

I have a plan in my mind. I want to get more schooling so I can have a chance at getting a better job. I want to have a successful job that I enjoy. I want to bridge the gap between all people so there is no bad feelings between anyone. I don't plan on making a mistake~ I am just trying to look at things bigger.

Its a 3 day weekend and I hope tomorrow is wonderful~
I would never on purpose make things difficult. I just want to do the right thing. What is the right thing... maybe staying longer? Its that important to me.

I write my heart here because its one of the only places I can.


bottom line is that I am happy because I have the best girl I could ever have, I have many friends and I got a lot of things to look forward to.

Movie Night

Thursday at work~
I had to put up with some more craziness from Alexa for whatever reason. I wanted a normal break period but was unable to concentrate due to her. I wish that I had more power at the office because I don't like many of the kids messing with things.


I am not Korean but I want to think and become more close to Korea because my life is so intertwined here. EVERYTHING I now do I do because of this.


I had a so so day with classes and kids.
After work I went to a movie with Christina. It was a great way to end the work week. I know things are always moving in fast forward but I am content because through thick and thin I have Christina by my side.


WE can fight anything


I am trying all the time and I will not stop trying~

We shouldn't be upset because to put it simply we got each other which is the greatest thing of all.

Work Pursuits

Today I spent my morning getting things taken care of. I sent some of my money home... In other words did some bank record keeping. I want my savings account to get on fire. I am trying to figure my options. I ate at PappaRoti a bakery and relaxed a little after grocery shopping.

Work was interesting. I had high hopes for today. Today being the hiatus of the week I wanted today to run smoothly.
I have to give a rundown of my classes.
Mb1: funny, happy times, Kids were wonderful. I gave them a homework present reducing their amount.
Mb2: nice, happy E-taes, and my two favorite girls were good... the rest of them were ok.
**I was able to joke with them and connect so I was happy.

Mc1 classes
Mc1 There weren't many kids there
Mc2: Not bad, typical

Md1: A measly review that turned out really good. There were only 4 students.
Md2: meltdown. Alexa/Diane copied each others homework and besides that it was too simple
Homework: What is your favorite class and why?
English is ..................
English is
English is
I could do that in Korean its not thinking

I am ashamed at the standards of Mr. Jeong

I feel horrible lately because I am having to get a new teacher here. I am tired of hiding this. I don't want anyone to go through the hell of working here. Its not a good place to work.


Fact be known I would have left a lot sooner if I didn't believe in my future so much.

I had a good day ruined because the kids had to complain to Vicki and Christina yet again lowering my work and my authority. What good is authority when truth be known I am just the bad Foreigner who does things poorly.


I took a red pen and crossed out her homework. Red pen means Die in Korea I could care less. I loved seeing my favorite student gasp in surprise. I really hope it makes Alexa and or Diane quit. I loathe them and its not because they are stupid dumb kids but because they can't change. Their parents are so screwed up.

Now I have to say this I don't want anyone I know to work here and face these horrors. The horror is limited to Hyunggok Gumi Yale Academy. I think anything would be better and I REALLY want to make this come true.


I worry to much about a lot of things. I worry that I am not doing good enough teaching, I am not doing enough in My Korean Experience. I am worried I shouldn't leave, maybe because of Aaron's talking I don't know ...


At any rate this is the last thing I will say....

My Dream is to make the impossible possible it just takes Faith and a strong belief that we can do anything.


I am scared because I am not entirely sure what to do.

I am looking forward to a 3 day weekend I don't want to go to work on a Saturday nor do I want to deal with more homework, less homework etc. I wish everyday was like Tuesday and Thursday those kids for the most part try to learn.


Life is not meant to worry about things, its meant to take full advantage of everything that there is to offer. I want to do anything, I am not scared of anything except for failure.

Anything is Possible...Lets set our sights on a great 3 day and also opening up doors to a wonderful future because I want this so much

Recovery

Today I cleaned up my act. I got a haircut. I like getting a haircut massage, it makes me feel good and a little tired. I am happy my darling likes my cut I tried to do this for her. I want to have better look.


I was drowsy due to a sleepless night but the day progressed and got better. Ma1 was wonderful until a kid opened his mouth and I went off the deep end on him. I wish he would leave he doesn't try at all.



Tc2 was ok except for Sungmin. I put the kids' tests in a pile and graded them. Before I graded them I guessed who would be the best and the worst. I was nearly right on.

I gave a test to Td2 as well. Ann and Jane I am sure did well. Julie and Sarah are my little babies. They complain about everything. Sarah has a Pop girl on her bag its a stupid image but Sarah wants to try to be that "popular girl" I think its a problem. Oddity one of many.


I made fun of them because they whine so well. They could be professional whiners. They definitely aren't going to do well in English. I talked to Rose who was drowning in sleep deprivation herself. I wish she would try harder because its bothersome to just waste time talking to her.


I had a wonderful dinner albeit a little surprise with my girlfriend and Aaron too. I wish I didn't invite him though. He is funny, and nice and it was good time but I didn't need reminders.


I am home now and I know it will be a long night. I will be up late maybe later than usual.


Times a wasting. ..

Intention

I had no intention of doing anything wrong. I see the problems I am having here as my own and meant no blame on anything. I wasn't thinking today and today was a very long day.

I wish I knew better... I don't feel like writing a story anyways.

My Sunday Hero

So today I went downtown I had a heavy stomach and didn't feel entirely too well. I was out of sync the entire day as a result of this. I had a nice breakfast of PappaRoti and rested awhile.

I had a nice lunch too but was unable to finish all of it. After lunch we went swimming again...

Christina is a great swimmer, she understands my feelings better than I do. I like swimming nowadays its relaxing. I hope my arm feels better soon. I worry too much about everything.


A day at the swimming pool was wonderful I just wish my anxiety wouldn't play me badly at a good time. She's so special for putting up with my idiocy at times. I should be better.


I was so happy in the Restaurant today talking about Traditional Things and all the nice festive things we will have


I want to have lantern like lights, carpet, ceramic drinking cups, fine china silverware, carpets maybe rolled, bamboo walls, and oak tables.


So today at the swimming pool was perfect. I want to go there many more times. I hope we can go again soon!

In the evening I rested and I had a good talk with my friend downstairs. I am excited for a good week and doing many wonderful things^^

Swimmers Fury

Saturday Morning~ Work at 9. I got up at 8 wishing to fall back to sleep. I slept relatively well for the first time in a week. Work was a little different.

It was summer vacation so I think that overall this week was the best because many kids decided to take advantage of no school. Mr. Jeong went to Japan and left the hands of the Academy with Miss Jeong and us. I should say us since we do everything but whatever.


Miss Jeong was late today. I was surprised when I walked past the academy to get my breakfast and it wasn't opened. Probably because Mr. Jeong wasn't here I would think.


Classes: I had a different class due to Mr. J's absence and my darling also had to teach 4. Tc1 there were only 4 students, Tc2 not bad but nothing special. The bad kids were gone^^
TD1 only Rose so a wasted conversation I feel. She is so boring. Its amazing that a student as smart as she is and she will not push herself. None of the kids really try hard. My boss said to me once he was surprised that this one class didn't try to understand beyond. Welcome to my classes everyday. What is this What is that?
Its a mind blowing concept when the kids have yet to ask me a question that I can explain. They just simply copy and thats that. Why can't anyone understand me about the absurd structure of work?


Anyways Td2 was fine. I wrapped up a good easy day with my 2 favorite students Ann and Jane.


After work I went to eat and eventually went Swimming for the first time.

I bought a swimsuit and may think about becoming a swimmer. I know I need to exercise more. I just want to do things a little differently I thought there were many strange people who had no sense of swimming---Im not talking about ability or skill level but rather staying out of the way and hitting people. I hit some people too but it wasn't because I was sight seeing in the middle of the lane.

I loved it actually and do want to go again. I felt a little OTL cause I couldn't do it as well as I had wanted but I did manage to mainly keep up with Christina. I could follow her anywhere though^^

After Swim I relaxed I called my friend Juan and watched a movie. I AM SAM


I have a fury inside me and its wanting to open up all avenues more. I dream and imagine a world full of endless wonders and nothing but happy and good times where everything we want is possible we just have to SWIM harder in everything we do and want

Electro Day

Rain Storms, Heavy Stomach and Screaming Kids a typical day at work.


I thought I was going to get struck by lightening because it was literally outside the window when I was taking care of myself in the bathroom.


It was scary because it was so close. I spent the morning doing some R/R inside my house and ignoring the gray gloom outside my window.
I was happy to see my darling come to my rescue because I didn't want a poor day this Friday.

Its Friday and the fact that its the weekend is meaningless. I work tomorrow. I don't like this because working on Saturday makes it impossible to fully enjoy whatever Korea has to offer. I am cooped inside the work office as a body inside a classroom to some kids whose parents made them come to this place.

The bonus is that I can spend a good time with my darling tomorrow.


I will find a job that makes the same or more money and I don't have to work weekends. I want to do whatever is possible in order to insure that we can attain happiness.


Work was the same. I had 6 classes and a good break. My classes were all good surprisingly. I think it was because the pressure of my boss being there was off. I enjoy it much more when he isn't there simply because he doesn't do visiting all the time. He's better now though so its a small problem.


Vicki had 7 classes and I think she was feeling bad about something. I ahd a heavy stomach and just am over-worked with stress due to uncontrollable things I can't change. Today was better than yesterday though. I just wish I wasn't so tired of this job. It would be better if that wasn't the case.


Other than the Rain the electricity from the kids was actual quite decent and also I need more Electro lites in my system so my stomach can recover completely.


I am going to watch a movie and rest now.

slip ups

My morning was horrible. I had the worst feeling in my stomach since getting here. I am hoping its completely healed by tomorrow. I went to work with a headache, stomach ache and a feeling of being bothered.

I never know what to expect anymore and its my problem. Its something I should just try to understand. I am shocked at how fast time passes here.

I went to work having to teach 5 classes. My Thursday went from a 3 class day to 4 because of MA2 to 5 today because of Mr. Jeong being absent. The bonus is that there will be no mass inspections or additional bad factors due to his absence.

Sometimes I still feel he is a poor misunderstood and nice guy but I can't wait until WE are free of him. I am opening myself up to an idea of staying in Korea longer. I write about all of this now because I want help in any way I can get it.

I've got the nicest woman in the world and I don't intend to watch her work under abnormal conditions.

I think back to the days were I didn't write so much---Walking in the park, Sitting and talking for 45 minutes to an hour. We used to have it really nice here. I liked Thursday and I didn't care that I used to teach td classes 3 times a week. Those were special days. Ironically it was before I found that this place was just a money scheming place and no real feeling for education. Tuesday and Thursday are truly the best days for education the kids are much more interesting I feel.

I like the oldest groups^^thats for sure. Some of the youngest kids have lately become more interesting. For the most part I think the kids are decent nowadays when they aren't screaming in the office.


Today I felt glum, sad, felt like joking, I taught my TC2 class again, tc1 no Chansuk, and my veteran Rose. I don't like Td1 at all anymore..The kids have dropped or just decide to come when they want. That's why I didn't care about tests this month.

I will not write about work anymore. Unfortunately I have lost all my feeling for teaching. I like to work hard but I can't do anything here. There is no business that I can do apparently. I wish I could do more but all of my work is tape recording or subroutine. There is no variety, there is no real planning, I don't even get checked anymore. All this fussing and fighting and now my work is devoid of meaning.


When it comes to work... I have the best thing in the world... The wonder lady who sits next to me each day. I also have been able to save some money which is nice. That's all I want from Gumi. I know that I will work better or harder later..I have high ambitions.


After my last class, I wrote a letter, paid a bill and relaxed upstairs a little. It was a fast day and I hope tomorrow is wonderful.

Many things to do yet.

Promise

*So I could give you a run down on the bad happenings in class. I could tell you the ways I had to pretend just to survive I could tell you how strange some of the people at work are, or even more I could tell you how tired I am of Korean parents thinking that they know everything there is to know about their children when in reality it is more like a self righteous way. Main example is simply: Some kids don't belong in Engish school because lack of desire, age or some other problem.


I don't want to say these things.

I find myself battling so much and mainly its myself. I am too honest here but I am troubled.

I am in Love and I know that deep down there is no one better for me. I have known this for a long time.
We have worked side by side for over a year. We have shared countless meals, discussed many problems we face at work, life, or just things in general.


Each day I get my strength from her. She is amazing when it comes to work. I wish I had her motivation more. I want to seriously fight or eliminate all of the poor conditions here.


Today we talked about some Political Issues. Since living in Korea I have started to dislike America because we are pathetic. Our government doesn't know how to interact with other nations properly. We meddle and make more trouble. I wish that the attitudes were different though.


Past lessons
America dropped the Atom Bomb, we executed many people in all wars and we are greedy and only intervene if its a benefit for us. Thats a government for you.

Japan is the richest country in Asia and seems to think that because of high American support it can dominate Asia. It pushes itself around proclaiming old traditions on things now out of its jurisdiction.


Korea is a rising country. Its a wonderful place and a good place to live. I don't like the conservatism here because its not good. I like old values, and maintaining traditions whether its things or rituals but I wish people would embrace things more easily.

People call me handsome or Foreigner and thats the only distinctions I get. I stand out like a sore thumb. Both of these are not even worth mentioning. I know that living in a country where white people are a rarity is different whereas in America an Asian person is seen often but still a year of my life and no change.

I conclude this by saying I value all people and think that only by working together can we keep the human race alive and learn about each other.

I write this post with a promise in mind. I will fight wrong doings, I will make misunderstandings right and I will not be insensitive to anything.


I understand where people are coming from but its more important to see where we are going. I promise to never stop anything that I have that's good, and I don't want anything to give up.


This story may not be good. It may be too personal, or too much information but its all in my head and I have do more.
I will always try hard.

Sentimental Journeys

This is from my heart and mind....
Its Tuesday and one of the best days of the week here. I have 4 classes and plenty of break time. I like to keep busy and my mind occupied on whatever I can do.
Today's occurrences
Minji otherwise known as Indian Boy brought us Burgers. He is what I will call little Rick. Mature, and able to talk to us like an adult. The difference between him and other kids is that I view him as a student who shows proper respect and attention to Teachers. Unlike his peers he doesn't just play and waste my time. He is very smart and I hope he levels up soon.

I went to Pappa in the morning and had a nice time to just catch up and relax. I put some pictures together to for Christina. I love our pictures so much and hope to get more^^

I had some thoughts I got off my chest today during one of my breaks...Because I live here I can't help but think of everything because I want to figure out the best way to do things.
I made Monthly tests on the old computer I was told it would be available today but it unfortunately wasn't. I didn't ask about it because everyone was busy and even the computer was available during the time I could of used it, it would have been to late by the time it was set up.
My observation is that Miss Jeong gets there at 10:30 (2.5 hours before we do) thats time to clean, prepare and do things that should be done before we get there. When we come the actual work takes place. Christina does her work, Miss J's work and does a s much as she can.

I do what I can. Today I washed cups, cleaned the fridge a little, and did my own work. I was a little nicer to the kids, I felt a little stress lately so I have been meaner lately.

I told Vicki that I am tired of poor kids with bad attitudes. I don't want to teach them if they are going to be horrible little monsters. I punished a kid today because he wouldn't sit down, he kicked another student, and he didn't open his book just for starters. This is typically a normal day too though.


I can do this job because I lost my caring about class and whether its good or bad. I gave a monthly test today in TD1 it was incomplete because of lacking the computer but it was a writing exercise that required a little thinking.

The kids were fairly decent today-the strange ones studied or took some medicine or both and the smart ones were good as usual.


Unfortunately, tomorrow its back to the Hi, how are you, ok Good Bye routine. Next please. I know my blogs are strong and unfortunately not all that good but I am just trying to explore my mind.


Having a meat dinner was wonderful I love our meals together so much. I can't wait until the next one.


I want to unravel dreams. Its all I want to do now. As I have said Teaching and feeling so so is not good---I don't want to give up teaching but I don't want to focus most if not all of my energy into teaching. I believe there is bigger things to be doing.


All I know bottom line, is that my Chagi makes me feel so special and is so amazing in infinite ways that I am not only lucky to have her but I DO know why they call me Fighting Teacher.
I want so much things and will try all.

REHTEGOT YPPAH EB SYAWLA STEL

helter skelter

So today I found myself zig zagging back and forth. I seemed to be having a mental lapse, or meltdown ...again.


Todays Story is as follows. I had breakfast with a friend, we talked about recent happenings what we did on the weekend and things of that nature.

I drew some poor drawings I am not very good and need to express my artistic talent differently.

L and O wasn't on, I was bothered. I had a good lunch at the Chinese Buffet. I was happy to say she didn't have any kids running around naked. She is a nice woman and probably the person I know the most outside of work.


Work was a disaster for me. I felt like I was having a mental issues all day.

Before work started the computer was temporarily fixed but yet again no one asked me if I could use it. I sat during my break with nothing to do. I didn't want to talk to the kids, I didn't want to work at all. It bothers me that I can't do anything. If I was working in America my opinions, help or actual work would be appreciated. I wish I could be more of the TEAM.

MB3-slight problems, nothing really good.
MB1-slightly bad
MC3-very bad
MC1-was ok but tiresome. Luis was really good. I think he is the one that needs medicine seriously.
MD3-Worst---Bad Girls, class disorganized, no respect, Mr. Jeong had to fix the situation. The kids paid him in my class for the VOCAB books. Miss Jeong isn't doing her job at all and it really bothers me. I feel because of her it makes everything I want impossible.

Sometimes I wish she would not do her job more just so things could get from Worse to Terrible.


I know its the Manic Monday-the work craze. I usually want to put my nose to the grindstone and work hard. Nowadays, I am just wanting to make a career move or do whatever it takes to go to a better place. I am afraid of losing that and that's why I cry myself into my dreams. Seriously all I want is to figure out something well.


Happiness is the Key and other than the poor classes, disorganized work, and just a odd start to the week I am happy~~~~

I got something special, I was able to fix everything before I went home. I just don't want this again and again. My next post Tashi and Tashi

Whatever I can do to make a better future or next stop etc. I will do count on me.

I am working on a picture project now.

It should look good!

talk soon!

Tomorrow is Tuesday it will be a grand day!

Sunday Fixings

As always been the case Sundays are the best day in Korea. I don't do anything in particular but just relax and rest...Its a way to let the Byoung ideas of the week slip by.


I made a vow today that there will be no more bad days.

I cleaned my house a little, had a wonderful meal with Christina and spent a good part of the day refreshing my mind and spending it the best possible way with Christina.



I think this week will be wonderful cause I am going to try harder to change a lot. I want to make my health get better. I want to get a good haircut and buy some nicer clothes, I want to do a lot more too!


Today was a wonderful day. Dreaming about 700 days, drinking coffee at Tous De Jours, and walking the streets of Hyung gok with my Sweetheart, or eating spaghetti at a nice sit-in place makes Sundays in Gumi so wonderful!



I had amazing time today and hope that this week goes well too! I know that work is going to be better this week. I hope that the weather is nicer too.


So I am keeping busy and got many things to do this week. I think it will be a lot of fun and I know that I will spend it well doing many things with my Sweetheart!

Praying for Red Roses among other things

Its too hot and cloudy too so its a lethal combination for me. I had work today. I was a comic show for two classes.

Apparently one kid will drop too. Work was brainless as usual for me. There wasn't so much happenings and yet another SSDD day.

My last two classes weren't anything to write home about either. I was just happy when they were over. TD2 was good though. I just don't care about the bad students these days and its all better. I just wish they would drop and not even show their ugly heads around.


We deserve better, we deserve more than just bullshit work, and the way we are living. I keep hoping for a change but I don't know what else to do.


I can't wait until next week maybe something better will come up.


Tonight I just finished watching a movie: The Last Samurai It is one of my favorite movies.


The movie consequently is about tradition/Native Beliefs verses Modern Thought


Western Technologies, Clothing and even Language with English and Eastern Culture preservation.

I am a person who likes tradition and cherishes all Cultural Traditions. A paradox of my job is that I am trying to make kids think using a western approach when the entire time I would have liked it if I had been able to better understand Korean ways of thinking.

Its now almost Sunday and I just hope that this coming week can be better than this week. I will be more driven and I will hope that nothing can affect us.



Our life here in Hyung gok dong can be better~Life isn't meant to worry.

I promise I will not do anything bad ever and I will find a strong way to make things work out. I am a little worried nowadays just cause I am not entirely sure what to do but I do know that I am excited for next weekend and want to keep that primary focus.

CRASH

Taking this out of context in an allusion to one of my favorite movies "CRASH" I now feel this and truly believe in it.


CRASH was a Hollywood hit movie with me and even in my studies in college. This movie showed how all races are interconnected as well as every small action simultaneously feeds off another and everything returns full circle. I experience these feelings almost daily.

Life is Crashing down upon us each day. It isn't a bad thing its just a FACT. I had 6 classes today. Friday is an ok day for me as far as schedule is concerned.

I had a talk with Mr. Jeong during my free hour. We talked about contracts, Academies, College and the whole story so to speak. I went to my last 4 classes standing vindicated thinking clearly and with more resolve.


My hope is to just work hard. I want more money and a stable future/job.


I will be honest I have crashed into what will be worse than a chugging choo choo KTX locomotive.


I don't want to think of work at all anymore. I understand the importance of work in Korean society but I am tired of seeing the problems bring everyone down. It contributes to health issues.


I know that things will be WONDERFUL again someday... Things can work out. Thus CRASH

This is an important title I will write more on this tomorrow


I am thinking of trying to take up some writing skills again next weekend and try to write some important story/article soon.

more soon and following

Bbang Gooree go Cha

The Ideal Breakfast Buns and Tea. I am happy we spent time at Pappa even if the talk wasn't as good as it could have been I think I am getting more and more byoung as days keep passing.


Papparoti is a nice place though and its a place I want to visit another handful of times before August.

I ate a lot today. I had chicken and sandwiches for lunch and later I cooked ramen and watched Law and Order.

Work was ok. I feel like I have authority but I don't care to use it on students who disregard me anymore. Its a matter of health.

My classes
Ma2---the smart sensational new girls. They are amazing at least 2.5 of them. the .5 is because one of them sleeps and struggles more. She is strong though she has a temper when I try to help her.

Mb3-The class that's having ups and downs. Sometimes the kids act so dumb that it boggles me (bamboozles)They don't have any idea how to treat a classroom. Thats why I gripe. More homework doesn't help or anything. I need to write more in the progress reports though.

I'll just say it like this. I may not like a kid because of his behavior or his problems but I put up with it because its just part of the job. If I tried to solve it there wouldn't be any kids here.

Today my boss came to me and said he thinks that there is focus issues in Md1. I was shocked cause its obvious to me. All of the kids have a focus attention problem in my classes because they don't care about me.
Some of them ignore me even when I try to play with them.


I showed a kid some cards and I was going to let him have them but he just assumed. He is my favorite kid though in Ma1.

I also taught tc1 and td1. Td1 I got tired from a long banter or lecture. TC1 I have 2 good students.

I will tell you the story of TC1
Florence/Floria-Don't do anything, they don't talk and they copy each other's notebooks. They have done this from the time I met them. They still haven't said hello to me. I think I have yet to hear 50%of the students say something to me, and anther 75% say something positive.

Truth hurts.

Subin has become a problem, she was really smart and a promising student, now she has made Ciarra bad too. Its because Ann is gone I think. The boys Eric and Liam have some strange love affair and don't listen, and Chansuk and Brian are the only two who listen. Lacy does to but her face is also bothered. Chansuk and Brian are the only two who show me complete respect. Its bothersome.

TD1-Hard Toefl Lecture I wish I did this all the time though cause its the only class I actually care about teaching when it comes to English Material. I don't do the class as much work though cause of no time and they don't talk to me either ---there is 2 students. They have a lot of knowledge about English maybe they just can read well.


So, its thursday I can't wait until next week. I want to do something fun this weekend and I have lots to figure out still.


Today was alright though as far as things go.

Mind Teasers

Today I wrote a letter telling half lies to a person I never met just because I want to find a replacement. I was honest but I didn't say all things. At least I don't feel that.

Classes were ok. I ignored all the crap like I always do. I no longer care about no homework sheets, homework attacks, whining etc. All I care about is getting out of class with out being bitten. I leave that job to the mosquitoes. Korean word for Mosquito is Moogie-_-;

Other than my girl the best moment was with Jerry a student I had lost respect for but he proved me wrong today. He answered many questions today and he cared a lot. I gave him no homework. Funny story was I pretended to be angry with him and loved watching the shocked look on his face. He is a good kid--but tends to be lazy at times.


Truth be known I love the kids a lot. I like their smiles, I liked today how the kids actually wanted to study with me, how they ask me things sometimes. I wish I had more time for them. I know in America that if I taught kids I would have a better relationship with them not because of English but because there would be more time to appreciate them.


i had a nice morning-relaxing and eating burgers. I can't wait for Pappa.

In the evening I went to the park with Christina and had a wonderful evening. I want an evening like this all the time and I PROMISE I'll do whatever it takes to make this happen. I want to work harder so I will get more money saved.


I don't want anything to become different, ugly or bad.

I loved today so much just cause the kids were ok, and more importantly I had a wonderful time with my darling.

Primary Focus

For as long as I have been here I have been creative, inventive and sensitive. I have tried to understand another side of humanity on the far side of the world. I no longer look at things that way but rather with a new idealism.


FACTS
I don't like my job anymore. I feel scared going to class, I feel violated every time I see the kids. I feel glad if a "bad" kid isn't there. I like it when the weird ones or problematic ones pick up their things and leave. I don't it how I can't help my girlfriend no matter what. I have nothing but time but I can't do anything.


I am rattled and nerved to the point where I can't care about anything else other than just getting through the day.

Today...
MA1...typical. slightly disrespectful I ignore the bad things and just let them walk out the door.
TC2...fine, small problems but nothing I couldn't manage. Sungmin's smug face no homework no homework no homework.
Td2..I didn't prepare and my teaching reflected it. I cared too much and I was angry cause it was for my two good students..Jane and Ann. Peachy isn't really participating. She seems half into it. I don't like students like that cause they don't change. I have no power to talk to them so it makes no difference. Smile and nod is the way here.


TD1... GREAT TIME! Thank God The kids were laughing with me. This may be the first time I got kids to laugh because of me not at me or some other Korean joke. I can't handle the abuse.


I have gotten to a point where I think I am a bad teacher because the kids under appreciate me.

Everyday I feel the same though~~~ My love is exploding and I don't want to lose that. I am certain that the word Forever can't sum it up.


Now I need some more Elliot Action. I am going to try to be more like him. He's my HERO. This for the record is my Secondary Focus or even third focus.
Finding a Job is paramount.


My primary concern and focus is vested in my girlfriend. Here I am 100000 miles away from my birthplace in hopes to help the "English Language" in hopes to educate, learn, change the world and all I am getting in return is diatribes of Korean.

I love Korea but I can't do much in this job. There is no room for advancement. I dream of a golden future. I want to make anything possible and not to live in doubt.


I am not entirely sure how deep my love for my girl goes but its somewhere where I don't think or care about much else. I try hard to just get things figured out I want to do whatever I can to make things better.

Crazy Sam

This was just one fast paced action day. The kiddies were surprisingly steady and there weren't any major fussing. I am tired of hearing stupid lame talk from my boss.

Example: Give more homework. Teach more tightly. We aren't slave drivers nor are we meant to whip the kids into submission. English is supposed to be a fun language where the kids want to learn. I refuse to teach under the assumption of giving them more homework esp. when it hasn't helped them to talk to me. I can't have a conversation past hi how are you im fine thank you and you.


Today I was hungry I didn't have a good lunch its almost 10 oclock and I am still waiting for my meat to finish sizzling. I am starving.
I hope that this week will get better. I have to do so much. I have to buy a ticket, I have to teach harder and I have to figure out a lot more work problems.

I am surrendering this post to my fanciful meal that I cooked up...yes me my first one in a long time.

My friends are calling me now lately I hope to figure out some good options soon I felt better today than I have lately.

I shouldn't say this cause its just another comment my cats name is Moogie all I told the kids was the name of my cat apparently Moogie means to kill. Talk about Irony all over again.


Anyways thts the ramblings of a crazy sam for the night. Today was ok. i was happy that a weird kid dropped, the kids seemed subdued mainly cause of the weather but they weren't as strange today. Many kids were absent too so it was easier I hope tomorrow is more thrilling than today. It was a low key day

Gumi Life

Sundays always bring the best times of Gumi. Today I had a nice Galbei meal, and went to the Theaters to see Hancock the latest Will Smith Movie. It was a good movie and a wonderful date. I love our dates so much I hope we have another movie date soon!

Its too hot here nowadays I feel like I am being cooked alive. I cleaned my house, relaxed, and I am now preparing for a busy week.

This week:
1. pay fix
2. Schedule work
3. typical kid b.s
4. job hunt
5...My L and O date with Elliot^^ 6 days a week twice a day^^

Taking Showers here is a way to cool off I hate how hot it is, I took 5 showers today just to feel more cool.

MY house came equipped with a fan but its just a cheap piece of crap. It helps a little at night.


My body feels really sore, and my head has some aches. I don't know why. I think I feel too much Anxious. Gumi SPA?


I want a Vacation and a better job soon I am uncertain how much more I can take. Today was a holiday. I had a couple kids show up unexpectedly.. I like them but I am running out of energy for kids. I could teach kids but not everyday. Nowadays, I am just focused on getting money, and hopefully making dreams come true.

I don't want my biggest fear to come true

Dream Rider

Today I worked in the morning with Christina. It was an ok morning. I wanted to spend more time with Christina cause we never have enough time at work while waiting for classes to finish. I wait for them to finish once I start I just want them to end.
My 4 classes were uneventful. I think a lot of the kids who cause trouble were gone today. The worst one today was TD2 Sarah. I hate Saturday students and I was going to just let it go but her piss poor attitude made me write a report to Mr. Jeong. I wish all the bad students would leave-They act like this Academy is just a place to play, and they don't care about learning or respect.


I went to Daegu today in order to say goodbye to a friend. It will probably be the last time I see her--I regret that Christina couldn't have met her. I hope she still can.

So i took the Sammauel train there and the Mugungawha train back. I had some coffee some Nyong Nik? meal at a restaurant.

At anyrate Daegu was what looks to be a farewell. I wish Minyoungs health was better, I wish my own health was better.


over Coffee Dreams were mentioned, all I know is that I want to go the distance to reach unattainable dreams, I don't want to spend any more time filled with worry or things that are counter productive.

I know I am capable of achieving anything I just need Time~ I won't fail. I hope everyone believes me.

Conundrums

Friday a day full of happenings. I have 2 more Fridays this months TGIF!
I have a break after 2 class which is almost the best time for a break for me.

My day started off with more bad new from Abroad. My dearly beloved cat is going to die soon. Its just another travesty that I have missed in my adventure out here. I missed a few family happenings, I have heard about the passing away of some people who I was close to and I have also missed WEDDINGS. I think I need a wedding to happen so I can see everyone again....

Today Classes were abnormal. They were all legitimate as far as their strange behavior was concerned.

I want to be better teacher and I want to teach successfully not just punish and wait. My boss gets money on having kids here so I shouldn't try to get them to leave. They infuriate me, hurt me, and give my darling loads of work so why should I care if they stay?


I don't want anything to separate us from the reality of what our life is. We got something wonderful and that's all I care about keeping. I went to PappaRoti today. Its a place we should go more.

I heard from Minyoung she is having more health problems, we are all too young to be experiencing this stress and difficulties. We just need to make things right and make things best. I am convinced so much that we can have all we want and not worry about anything else.

I love, trust, and believe in this so much that I would give up most of everything else. Next week should be good or better I think.


I didn't enjoy hearing about my poor cat's suffering. It gave me a flashback of my old dog that was suffering to. I had to see it though and its something I never want any animal to go through. It not peaceful its a scary moment.



So here I am in Korea this weekend should be entertaining I just want to relax and enjoy it. I want to make things happen that everyone wants~ I only have good intentions for everyone EVERYONE. I would do anything I could.


So here it comes tomorrow... Saturday morning yikes..

Heart of Gold

My life is strange mixture here.

Work is Work. It doesn't matter if its in America, Korea or Anywhere else. I want to work hard. I want to be the best I can be and do a good job. I want to leave here knowing I gave it everything I could. I want to make good relationships with the kids, I want to prepare lessons well, and I want to be respected for what I do.

I have my bad kids, my good kids and the average kids. I have changed myself to cater to this program. I no longer think that its Yale being all bad but rather me and what I haven't been able to change in the 12 months that I have been here.
I still struggle in the classroom because students choose when to be absent and I can't do anything about it. If they miss my class I don't think that they have to do my homework.

I follow the policies blindly because I have to. I wish there would be some major changes because I don't like where I am at. Meetings are held and I am not important enough to be told. My kids are absent but its ok because they are older, whereas the younger ones need to be tracked down. I do everything in my job description and ask for more but it doesn't matter. I can't do anything at work. Email teaching for example.. no one writes me except for 4 students. The same 4 have been doing it for 6 months now. The email system is obsolete. 30 students don't have email, 30 don't check and another 20 don't have their emails entered into the system. I am supposed to waste an entire break writing emails to kids who don't care. Its for the parents apparently but even they don't appreciate me.

I don't have any parents who say to me Thank you for your job to my son or daughter. I never see them, or hear from them. Its just the kids everyday. I want to be more involved I want to be treated more like a Korean rather than an Outsider.

I feel like an Outsider not a foreigner but an Outsider. Someone who is not good enough to be involved in things.


So now I am going to say something real personal. I don't want to email right now I am trying to find a job, I am trying to build a future over here because I don't want to leave the only good thing in my life. I don't know how to leave and it makes me scared. I am having a 비행기 scare.


This blog is the only place I am truly honest other than when I am in person. If people are wondering where I am you need to read my blog. If I don't write another email for a month check here I am sure I am still standing. For people back home stop worrying its not worth the time. I don't want to hear any emails asking where are you? Are you ok? etc etc. I am not in danger.


I have a strong heart even though all the Mcd may catch up to me. I am certain its a lump of gold. If you melt it I still can make it into Bars.
I take kids abuse, I take work related abuse and I don't care anymore. Its not worth it.


The only thing I want to save my golden heart for is things that truly matter. Today was a hard day for me.
I didn't do anything I was supposed to.
Ma2 was great time, Mb3 was hell Tc1 I didn't do as well as I wanted and td1 well I guess I need to prepare a lot more too. It wasn't what I had in mind. I talked to myself for most of the time.

I need to talk to Mr. J but don't want to talk about the unavoidable.


Today my friends told me that we should go to Daegu. So I can't have my girlfriend meet them. My friends are why I am here. They turned my college life around. Indirectly they gave me the most precious gift I have ever received-I got it in Korea. They won't know that gift cause they can't plan accordingly. I hope that they can someday but who is to know.

I feel betrayed by friends. I was also told by many wise people back home Do everything you can in Korea,, Its your experience. Well I feel I have done everything but I m restricted and as a result I can't do more.

I pray for miracles everyday. I know I am not perfect. I live in a house that has nothing except a tv, its so hot and its gotten a reputation for being haunted these days. I live above my work place so there is no escape or privacy, I live in an area that's very hot. I am trying to do my soul search cause I want to do something that I should do differently but I don't know.


There is a smell of varnish or gas I can't determine. Maybe its both. The last two nights I have woken up at 6 am smelling gas fumes or fire. I panic now both times.

I think I need to get up earlier to call for jobs I am beyond desperate and the irony is that there isn't a thing I can do.


I came to Korea as a foreigner wanting to just see friends, earn some cash, and experience Korea. I had no expectations, I had no idea of what this experience would be. I thought I would go back home and tell people what Korea was and that would be that. Nowadays that's not what I have in my mind at all.

I am more responsible more caring and much more set up making my goals happen. I don't want to lose sight, I don't want anything to hold me back. If I fail I want to accept it not regret it.

I have been distant, lonely, and miserable lately at work cause there doesn't seem much incentive. I don't want that to be the case. Most of all I don't want to run away from a weird situation.

The Work problems are escalating. They are always present they are always the same.


Its the same for me everyday too. I can't help anyone. I can see many things before they happen but no one cares. I also seem to forget things well I don't forget I just want to figure out a better way.

나의 심혼 정직한 순수한 그리고 금의 만드는


그리고 당신에게 결코 눈 속임하지 말라


나의 사랑은 당신을 위해 진실하다


Thats my story for the day more later

Deteriorating

I care to much these days...

I have made one blunder after another and I am not able to figure out how to solve them.

I don't want to think of classes anymore. I have good relationships on an individual basis with some of the students but I think I can't handle teaching at this point.

Classes today were a Folly. I got eaten alive. I was just happy to see the end in sight. I don't want to think of it anymore. I want to be better, I want to do more but I don't think its possible.


Tonight I was an idiot too. I have so much disappointment in my personal attempts that I think i just made everyone feel down. I saw my pillar of strength have some cracks in it.


I hate this weather, Its way to hot. I can't handle being outside for very long. I waited for food all day. Tonight I had steamed chicken which isn't that bad but its not something I will eat daily or even weekly. We had to wait too long.


I don't want to care about time anymore. I am all about working hard, and balancing time but I still can't adapt.

I don't want to complain, I don't want to have bad feelings about anything. I want to make work better I don't want to quit or give up. I really do want to educate and see the kids but i am losing hope because for all the caring I do I don't feel satisfied with anything.



I just want to make things better and not care about the bad things. I got beaten up mentally today. I can't make the kids change at all. They have no respect for me and this makes me so sad. I have been here for a year and its not changing.


What am I missing?

Capsized Ker Plunk

So I am entering a lousy phase. I feel worthless. I have some good ideas but no one wants to hear them.

Whats the matter with work? Why is it taken way to seriously. I am up for working hard and can work much harder than I am right now but I have hit the limit for work here. I can't do anything more. Even if I could I don't see the goodness in my actions.

There aren't many students who give a damn about my teaching. They talk over me, ignore me, insult me, ask me directly if they can do other homework, sleep in class, use foul language, ignore academy rules, lie cheat, etc. The only positives that come from the kids is when they actually can share a joke and understand my humor or what I am saying its a rarity.


so I don't even care about the classes all I want is to see my darling not have stress. Its hard for me to take day in day out. I can't handle being spoken to only in Korean and treated like a zoo animal.

I don't want to teach Ma2 at all. New kids aren't what I am interested in anymore. Its just more kids to hate me or make fun of me. They won't care that I am trying to help them. I don't want to be on display any longer.
Sometimes, I wonder why I allowed myself to be conned into a 6 day job in Korea. I thought I had friends who would be able to hang out I thought I could make a difference. I thought I could be a successful teacher, and also thought I would be an integral part of the school. I am just a tape recorder. I know that if I worked any other job I would be a bigger part of something that staying here.


I want to help, I want to make something happen, I want to feel I am needed and I want to feel satisfied. I don't get it here. Not only is the situation strange, but the work I do is not important.

I am in the middle of a business scam. I have tried to change my attitude I have tried to just be patient. I am not sure if I can endure. I love talking to Christina and Vicki but either we all have classes, or they have telephone teaching. Now with Ma2 there are no real breaks, there is just OTL and disappointment floating around the teacher's lodge.

I want to go to work tomorrow and not care about the working situation. This new class is just another problem in my mind. I don't think this place is fair, and while life is not fair there are always better situations.


Mr. Jeong told me today that he hopes I find a new job before going back home well I hope he is right I need a job in order to make something work out. I don't want to lose anything...I don't want to think about my age, money, etc. Its making me disturbed.

I wish I could free myself from this place. There is no reason to stay any longer at the Academy. I would gladly stay in Korea again or longer but here there's nothing but angst. It makes my stomach hurt and my heart ache.

I wish I could do more... I want to improve Education, Work, Korea, my life anything. I don't see what I do as showing signs of improvement. Kids come and go, its just a mockery, its a joke.


Happiness is all I want to attain and doing it quicker is necessary.