Primary Focus

For as long as I have been here I have been creative, inventive and sensitive. I have tried to understand another side of humanity on the far side of the world. I no longer look at things that way but rather with a new idealism.


FACTS
I don't like my job anymore. I feel scared going to class, I feel violated every time I see the kids. I feel glad if a "bad" kid isn't there. I like it when the weird ones or problematic ones pick up their things and leave. I don't it how I can't help my girlfriend no matter what. I have nothing but time but I can't do anything.


I am rattled and nerved to the point where I can't care about anything else other than just getting through the day.

Today...
MA1...typical. slightly disrespectful I ignore the bad things and just let them walk out the door.
TC2...fine, small problems but nothing I couldn't manage. Sungmin's smug face no homework no homework no homework.
Td2..I didn't prepare and my teaching reflected it. I cared too much and I was angry cause it was for my two good students..Jane and Ann. Peachy isn't really participating. She seems half into it. I don't like students like that cause they don't change. I have no power to talk to them so it makes no difference. Smile and nod is the way here.


TD1... GREAT TIME! Thank God The kids were laughing with me. This may be the first time I got kids to laugh because of me not at me or some other Korean joke. I can't handle the abuse.


I have gotten to a point where I think I am a bad teacher because the kids under appreciate me.

Everyday I feel the same though~~~ My love is exploding and I don't want to lose that. I am certain that the word Forever can't sum it up.


Now I need some more Elliot Action. I am going to try to be more like him. He's my HERO. This for the record is my Secondary Focus or even third focus.
Finding a Job is paramount.


My primary concern and focus is vested in my girlfriend. Here I am 100000 miles away from my birthplace in hopes to help the "English Language" in hopes to educate, learn, change the world and all I am getting in return is diatribes of Korean.

I love Korea but I can't do much in this job. There is no room for advancement. I dream of a golden future. I want to make anything possible and not to live in doubt.


I am not entirely sure how deep my love for my girl goes but its somewhere where I don't think or care about much else. I try hard to just get things figured out I want to do whatever I can to make things better.