End Game

What am I to think nowadays? My mind is a maze of puzzles with no answers in sight. I have 4 days left before my damn Visa expires. Nobody here has told me what the hell that means. I am scared to death and scared of thinking what LEAVING means. AM I wrong to think this?

Its Saturday and yet another day of work completed with yet again no incentive to work harder. I truly do feel like I am an overpaid babysitter. It has dawned on me that I need to find something better quickly because I don't want to be in this tacky situation forever. I want to find a job to provide more. It worries me that I don't have it...

Today I had 3 tests and my special class. Its a complete waste of time in all seriousness. Tests are a joke. It shows no sign of progress especially when they complain bitterly about what they are doing.

The classes all lied, cheated and talked during my test. I ended up giving some special homework assignments and going off the deep end in one of my tangents.

1. Study English for you this is for you Take more consideration its a gift to learn and you have it..Be Happy Fight.
2. I told some students to quit acting like baby's.
I am sick of dealing with these kids who show no change at all for the past year.
Extra homework two times is over I think I need to be more severe that has been my problem. I will give more homework in the grounds of Translate 10 times. I made one kid translate for 2 hours and I think next time I go to the class I will be giving more homework again.


I hate giving more homework. I hate yelling at the kids because I didn't come to Korea for that. I am a patient guy who is genuinely nice and interested in different cultures, customs, and people in general. I am ashamed that the kids have reduced me to subhuman class.


As I said my boss has given me my own homework as of late and this has kept me plenty busy. I will go to Seoul soon probably late tomorrow just to get my Visa cleared.


Why am I running Cross Country to get my Visa? I don't want to hold out any longer. Whatever it is that I need to do I will do gladly. There is nothing NOTHING NOTHING in this world worth hiding from. I can do it.



I want to end by saying I do enjoy Korea and I do think Korea is wonderful I just wish I knew how to better be here. My deepest wishes are to make things better and work but I am no longer sure on how I can do that.


I am afraid I am losing and don't know how to gain ground. What do I need to do?
I still have a spark in me but I am not so certain of that now.


There will always be complaining students, There will always be work problems, I will always be determined to overcome but I am not entirely sure how to go about. I gotta dig deeper and think more.

SUKJAE Police

Sukjae: Show me the Homework

I am flooded with over rated homework everyday. I heard a student complain about how she hates to study and doesn't like homework well I am doing my own homework and its scary.


I spent 20 dollars going to Busan
Today I spent 45 dollars on a Health Inspection. They drew a pint of blood out of my Vericose and well it was scary. There are 2 things that scare me: Hospitals and something I will not say now.

I don't want to be in a hospital I feel nothing but pain and I am not talking about physical illnesses.

After my Health Inspection I had 6 classes of teaching.

As always I feel like I am the homework police. You were loud more homework. You were disrespectful more homework. Its gotten to a point that all I do is give more homework. Seriously there is no teaching there is only hope that they will show an interest.

I wish parents wouldn't lug their kids around just to say my kid can say hi small face. Its pathetic. I think that kids need to change their attitudes. I can't recall my childhood being as traumatic as most of these kids are. Kids do bad things but its a lot different.

My boss is a big fan of more homework. Sometimes I think he drives them away due to his punishment tactics.


My homework is becoming a burden. My boss wont pay for any of my expenditures and trip vouchers which are consequently missing. I made a mistake not getting one in Busan and hopefully it will not affect my Visa.


I am afraid that I will be booted out of Korea before I can make anything more happen. If I am not booted I am still scared a little about leaving someday. Best to not think about it..


I need to focus more and try harder. I will make my bank grow at home. I am hoping to clear up everything soon. I will go to Seoul Sunday I am sure. I will leave in the afternoon or evening it just depends on the situation. Personally, I will not go with my boss its not in my best interests. I need to just enjoy the time and not worry about contemplations.

My arm hurts because of the injection but I can't bear the thought of losing my right arm I will never be the same again... Money, Time, Mountains and Oceans I will truly traverse I just want a shot to make the pain in the arm go away. That's all I want.


Ko Pa Ge Forever Sa Rang Forever in my Heart


Its worth all the riches in the world.

FIGHTING!

Quest digging

Today was a day of recovery. I had my 3 classes and there was nothing to it. TC1 was the worst and Td1/Mb3 were the best. Mb3 is usually always bad but the chump was a pal today.


I was busy most of the day finishing tests, making extra lesson plans and trying to just focus on things that needed to get done. I have a huge battle ahead with more paperwork, trips to Seoul, Daegu and hopefully more.


I can't help but to worry because I want everything right now. I sent off one letter today where hopefully it can be met with a lot of shining opportunity. I want to work in the capitol and if this happens I can meet one of my best friends!


I would also be happy knowing I can find a good job. I will continue to improve and step up my efforts.

I want to spend the rest of this month just having a good time. I want to open up all the doors possible and not worry about what lies behind them. Truly we can work miracles and make many leaps and bounds forward..

What a fast day too fast as I have many things to do yet before I go to sleep. ...I hope tomorrow I can make all dreams come true more so

Loopholes

Getting up at 6 am after a long night of figuring out classes and work mayhem I felt surprisingly ready to go and had a giddy up attitude. I was going to BUSAN with the intent of notarizing my Criminal History.


Train Travel was good I nodded off and was able to sleep relatively quietly. I missed the usual morning festivities and happenings around Hyung gok dong. I personally don't like traveling against the clock. Its the biggest Enemy.


I foolishly made a mistake in trusting my boss's paperwork. A quick scratched note that ended up leading to a dead end I got to the Consulate to find a Closed Door Policy.


There were no people, I had no appointment. I ran to them as fast as possible. They didn't even hold the door Open for me. They only said GO to Seoul. I felt helpless and pathetic because I was returning to Gumi empty handed. The only bonus was 1 free class. Mr Jeong was nice enough to give me a class hour.


Ironic how I am doing him a favor regardless of my reasons and he still is just interested in using his workhorses. This is why I want to make sure we get out of here because I will work harder somewhere else. Even though I am so scared to leave someday.


I am boldly saying things right now


I was traumatized after MD2 I knew it would happen. The kids blatant disrespect and smiles of I don't care made me give up. I can't control students who show no desire to learn nor respect for me---a measly foreigner..


I WAS grief stricken after work I was hoping to be energized and up beat because at least I was home back to Christina but I felt ill with doubt and uncertainty. I am a Waegook in the eyes of Koreans. I don't like labels of those people are Koreans, Americans, Foreigners etc.

In English Those Foreign People,
In Korean Ego Waegookin Sarum or Waegook Sungzanim.

After being here for a year I want to be looked at as someone who is 1/2 Korean or part of this community as a integral part. I truly do care about changing the world not just being viewed as an outsider.

I studied history because I wanted to know why there is HATE in the world. I would do anything I could do end Hate because its the only thing that is keeping good things from happening. Closed Mindedness is a mortal enemy and its damaging are long term.
I want to show Korea how I can Endure and help all people


Maybe I am just looking at things wrongly. I had a long Crazy day due to mis communication, lack of planning and partly if not mostly my fault. I know tomorrow will be much better and I know that things are getting better all the Time.


Ah Chincha ---How can this happen?
Well for me lack of sleep and too much worry maybe change uh?
For the Kids more maturation etc is needed. The kids aren't worth sweating over though as anything still is possible. I just want to Vindicate myself and prove I CAN.

I care so much and I know it will be fine in the end. I still hold true I have a world that circles around Amazing. I will not lose my hope because of bad kids, poor planning, or lack of insight. I want more. I will do more. I can I will. All in the name of Sa Rang.

Ah Chincha

Too much homework Too much complaining..Why me oh me this is bad?
Welcome to TC2 chatterbox Live.


Today I had to much things to do and as a result I have an extreme headache and too much worry so I will have to post more later...

Broccoli and Mushroom a la Carte with Fresh Milk

Today I got up Super Early. I was out of my breakfast place and back home in time for most of Law and Order as well as time to do some heavy duty action in the kitchen. I wanted to make the perfect meal for my Queen.

Tediously chopping vegetables and trying to make the right measurements I just took a gamble and whipped up something that tasted like Mushroom Spaghetti. It was delicious but it was missing my girlfriends touch.

A cup of Fresh milk added into the ingredient pot added the flavorful taste it needed. I feel we are literally out of this world when we are working together. Because of her we can enjoy wonderful food all the time. I have the kitchen and kitchen Equipment and she has the Cookers Talent.


I cooked too much so we gave the guy on the 4th floor some. He is a nice guy. He gives me coffee and today I showed him around my house.

So, Work was nothing special as always. I worried too much before classes began because I was thinking about a Busan trip that I hope doesn't happen. I just want to go there for fun with Christina! I also have to pay a lot of money for bills this month. I want to pay as soon as possible.

I talked to Mr. Jeong about my plan. I think my date has been moved to a date I won't specify. If people read this you can see me when you see me since you don't ever bother to send a comment.


I will show up home someday and surprise everybody maybe I will try to just live in America without anyone knowing where I am.. .

I figured out most of my plans though so now its all OK.


Today was not too bad. The kids were subdued and I was able to get through most of my teaching without a problem. Yuntagee was also so so, it helped me get through him. He is a chump not knowing simply how to be decent most of the time. Kids are kids an outburst one every few weeks is OK but he is just like the Yale System SSDD.

I think the Chinese can help him. I want him to be sent to Busan for me. It would help my teaching.



I am just so happy now because things are looking much brighter now that its Monday ironically enough. I want Amazing to happen and I know I can make it happen. I have the best present in the world and I love more all the time.

False Surreality

Today I thought a lot about Concept of Reality. I want to put in some editorial comments and also corrections I just went to Kim bab for some dinner and there were 2 kids screaming, and dropping objects and without any sense of place (in the middle of a restaurant). The mother was saying: Ande Hajima: this bad stop, I don't like. Yet she was talking to them like a friend. There is no sense of discipline or real authority when it comes to kids.


The kids are very seldom scolded in a manner that does justice. I couldn't believe that the mother just let her kids get away with that. I was giving them some harsh looks like "SHUT UP" but they were oblivious. If I was the owner of Kim bab I would have said Get out of my store.



I think a lot about Concepts and Concepts of Reality in particular because Reality is what is necessary in order to live by. Its impossible to be happy in a pipe dream. I hold onto strong ideals and notions that I want to make into reality these are my Concepts of living a perfect life. Its always important to maintain an open mind and clean conscience of what we come across in our daily lives. I feel that most people are completely oblivious to this fact and I also feel that some people miss the whole point or purpose as to what our functions are.

The Concept of Others is very sad at times here. In Korean society many people care about their actions and how they look to other people but then they go and disgrace themselves by not handling themselves properly in public. The Concept of Public behavior is a stark example of what lack of reality people have. This is everywhere. There are many things or concepts people have. Concepts are what we all have they are ideas but there are certain Universal Concepts that people should have.


Blaring Music or cell phones on a train, bus or other pubic area is just dumb. Walking around town unaware of your actions when it comes to others. One thing I don't like is parents letting their children walk anywhere they want downtown including the busy street. They act ompletely oblivious to the cars who don't stop. People make me sick.


This is my concept of Reality: I am as pure and honest as they come. I will never be unfaithful, lie, cheat or steal. I will do whatever I can to improve the situation. Right now I am trying to make as much money as I can. I am focused on one goal and thats to insure a strong base. In my mind I have more concept that most of the people I see. I make mistakes but I can rectify them. I don't judge people's ideas I judge their lack of Concept of Ethical/moral behavior or Reality...This is why I am fighting for change so much because I have a lot to show or prove.
Christina and I have a theory that 80% of the world has no concept. To me these people are like drones just taking what is available and clueless to what is happening around them.

My definition of No Concept is clueless, or people who are to stupid to know how to fix their mistakes. I also think that people who can't see other possibilities are Clueless.

I am changing my Concepts all the time and I worry I am running out of time. There are 3 types of people in this world-the Thinkers the doers and the watchers. I don't want to watch anymore. I have thought and though and there is nothing except waiting. I want to do anything possible to change people's concepts about Education, me, America etc. This is very important to me.

Monday I truly feel anything is possible. I don't know what will happen concerning me and my job but I do know that in the long run it doesn't matter.

There is no reason why to live in Final Fantasy~ Everything in my mind is possible. I write this post because I want to work magic for the rest of this month.

My concept was originally to work 1 year and leave. Now I want to build as much as I can before its too late. My situation feel urgent to me. I am going to get hounded this week with emails/phone calls/ and work front.

Opening a Cage

Today I spent most of the day alone. I had plenty of time to relax. I have gotten used to a routine. Monday through Saturday work Sunday Rest. I watched movies, had lunch with some old students of mine and went to the park to play Ocarina.

I don't want to be alone any longer. I signed a contract to work here for a year and ended up living alone eating alone most of the time and not really able to do anything. I truly think people hate me without even knowing who I am.


I have stepped up the job searching and I am researching a hopeful program. If I get this job I will be able to launch a career in America and also go back to school at the same time.

I have gone through many changes since coming here but by far the biggest one has to do with Responsibility. I am caring about how much money I spend and now I am looking at decisions with the approach of will this be better in my future. I can make a wonderful future with the things I have accomplished here and I don't want to let that go away.

Why do I keep writing about these things? What is the purpose of being here? I am so scared about the future. The future is now but even still it doesn't help.

I have to go to Busan to renew my Visa and there is a chance I will get denied because my information hasn't came fast enough. I used to think that I could work miracles but now I am uncertain.


I want to believe that anything is possible and that I am not just another American on the streets making some money and living the life here in Korea. Time is running out and I want more than anything to Set free false notions and try harder to realize the vast potential there is. I am starting to feel naive about these things and doubting my future.

Only by working together can we accomplish anything we want. The good things in Life are worth fighting for and I wish I could see a way clearly.


When people go to the zoo and see monkeys or when I see birds in a cage I feel a sense of wanting to set free making them return to their open nativity scene where they can let loose their ambitions and grow new wings.


I am forever Fighting