Deteriorating

I care to much these days...

I have made one blunder after another and I am not able to figure out how to solve them.

I don't want to think of classes anymore. I have good relationships on an individual basis with some of the students but I think I can't handle teaching at this point.

Classes today were a Folly. I got eaten alive. I was just happy to see the end in sight. I don't want to think of it anymore. I want to be better, I want to do more but I don't think its possible.


Tonight I was an idiot too. I have so much disappointment in my personal attempts that I think i just made everyone feel down. I saw my pillar of strength have some cracks in it.


I hate this weather, Its way to hot. I can't handle being outside for very long. I waited for food all day. Tonight I had steamed chicken which isn't that bad but its not something I will eat daily or even weekly. We had to wait too long.


I don't want to care about time anymore. I am all about working hard, and balancing time but I still can't adapt.

I don't want to complain, I don't want to have bad feelings about anything. I want to make work better I don't want to quit or give up. I really do want to educate and see the kids but i am losing hope because for all the caring I do I don't feel satisfied with anything.



I just want to make things better and not care about the bad things. I got beaten up mentally today. I can't make the kids change at all. They have no respect for me and this makes me so sad. I have been here for a year and its not changing.


What am I missing?