Capsized Ker Plunk

So I am entering a lousy phase. I feel worthless. I have some good ideas but no one wants to hear them.

Whats the matter with work? Why is it taken way to seriously. I am up for working hard and can work much harder than I am right now but I have hit the limit for work here. I can't do anything more. Even if I could I don't see the goodness in my actions.

There aren't many students who give a damn about my teaching. They talk over me, ignore me, insult me, ask me directly if they can do other homework, sleep in class, use foul language, ignore academy rules, lie cheat, etc. The only positives that come from the kids is when they actually can share a joke and understand my humor or what I am saying its a rarity.


so I don't even care about the classes all I want is to see my darling not have stress. Its hard for me to take day in day out. I can't handle being spoken to only in Korean and treated like a zoo animal.

I don't want to teach Ma2 at all. New kids aren't what I am interested in anymore. Its just more kids to hate me or make fun of me. They won't care that I am trying to help them. I don't want to be on display any longer.
Sometimes, I wonder why I allowed myself to be conned into a 6 day job in Korea. I thought I had friends who would be able to hang out I thought I could make a difference. I thought I could be a successful teacher, and also thought I would be an integral part of the school. I am just a tape recorder. I know that if I worked any other job I would be a bigger part of something that staying here.


I want to help, I want to make something happen, I want to feel I am needed and I want to feel satisfied. I don't get it here. Not only is the situation strange, but the work I do is not important.

I am in the middle of a business scam. I have tried to change my attitude I have tried to just be patient. I am not sure if I can endure. I love talking to Christina and Vicki but either we all have classes, or they have telephone teaching. Now with Ma2 there are no real breaks, there is just OTL and disappointment floating around the teacher's lodge.

I want to go to work tomorrow and not care about the working situation. This new class is just another problem in my mind. I don't think this place is fair, and while life is not fair there are always better situations.


Mr. Jeong told me today that he hopes I find a new job before going back home well I hope he is right I need a job in order to make something work out. I don't want to lose anything...I don't want to think about my age, money, etc. Its making me disturbed.

I wish I could free myself from this place. There is no reason to stay any longer at the Academy. I would gladly stay in Korea again or longer but here there's nothing but angst. It makes my stomach hurt and my heart ache.

I wish I could do more... I want to improve Education, Work, Korea, my life anything. I don't see what I do as showing signs of improvement. Kids come and go, its just a mockery, its a joke.


Happiness is all I want to attain and doing it quicker is necessary.