Dream Rider

Today I worked in the morning with Christina. It was an ok morning. I wanted to spend more time with Christina cause we never have enough time at work while waiting for classes to finish. I wait for them to finish once I start I just want them to end.
My 4 classes were uneventful. I think a lot of the kids who cause trouble were gone today. The worst one today was TD2 Sarah. I hate Saturday students and I was going to just let it go but her piss poor attitude made me write a report to Mr. Jeong. I wish all the bad students would leave-They act like this Academy is just a place to play, and they don't care about learning or respect.


I went to Daegu today in order to say goodbye to a friend. It will probably be the last time I see her--I regret that Christina couldn't have met her. I hope she still can.

So i took the Sammauel train there and the Mugungawha train back. I had some coffee some Nyong Nik? meal at a restaurant.

At anyrate Daegu was what looks to be a farewell. I wish Minyoungs health was better, I wish my own health was better.


over Coffee Dreams were mentioned, all I know is that I want to go the distance to reach unattainable dreams, I don't want to spend any more time filled with worry or things that are counter productive.

I know I am capable of achieving anything I just need Time~ I won't fail. I hope everyone believes me.

Conundrums

Friday a day full of happenings. I have 2 more Fridays this months TGIF!
I have a break after 2 class which is almost the best time for a break for me.

My day started off with more bad new from Abroad. My dearly beloved cat is going to die soon. Its just another travesty that I have missed in my adventure out here. I missed a few family happenings, I have heard about the passing away of some people who I was close to and I have also missed WEDDINGS. I think I need a wedding to happen so I can see everyone again....

Today Classes were abnormal. They were all legitimate as far as their strange behavior was concerned.

I want to be better teacher and I want to teach successfully not just punish and wait. My boss gets money on having kids here so I shouldn't try to get them to leave. They infuriate me, hurt me, and give my darling loads of work so why should I care if they stay?


I don't want anything to separate us from the reality of what our life is. We got something wonderful and that's all I care about keeping. I went to PappaRoti today. Its a place we should go more.

I heard from Minyoung she is having more health problems, we are all too young to be experiencing this stress and difficulties. We just need to make things right and make things best. I am convinced so much that we can have all we want and not worry about anything else.

I love, trust, and believe in this so much that I would give up most of everything else. Next week should be good or better I think.


I didn't enjoy hearing about my poor cat's suffering. It gave me a flashback of my old dog that was suffering to. I had to see it though and its something I never want any animal to go through. It not peaceful its a scary moment.



So here I am in Korea this weekend should be entertaining I just want to relax and enjoy it. I want to make things happen that everyone wants~ I only have good intentions for everyone EVERYONE. I would do anything I could.


So here it comes tomorrow... Saturday morning yikes..

Heart of Gold

My life is strange mixture here.

Work is Work. It doesn't matter if its in America, Korea or Anywhere else. I want to work hard. I want to be the best I can be and do a good job. I want to leave here knowing I gave it everything I could. I want to make good relationships with the kids, I want to prepare lessons well, and I want to be respected for what I do.

I have my bad kids, my good kids and the average kids. I have changed myself to cater to this program. I no longer think that its Yale being all bad but rather me and what I haven't been able to change in the 12 months that I have been here.
I still struggle in the classroom because students choose when to be absent and I can't do anything about it. If they miss my class I don't think that they have to do my homework.

I follow the policies blindly because I have to. I wish there would be some major changes because I don't like where I am at. Meetings are held and I am not important enough to be told. My kids are absent but its ok because they are older, whereas the younger ones need to be tracked down. I do everything in my job description and ask for more but it doesn't matter. I can't do anything at work. Email teaching for example.. no one writes me except for 4 students. The same 4 have been doing it for 6 months now. The email system is obsolete. 30 students don't have email, 30 don't check and another 20 don't have their emails entered into the system. I am supposed to waste an entire break writing emails to kids who don't care. Its for the parents apparently but even they don't appreciate me.

I don't have any parents who say to me Thank you for your job to my son or daughter. I never see them, or hear from them. Its just the kids everyday. I want to be more involved I want to be treated more like a Korean rather than an Outsider.

I feel like an Outsider not a foreigner but an Outsider. Someone who is not good enough to be involved in things.


So now I am going to say something real personal. I don't want to email right now I am trying to find a job, I am trying to build a future over here because I don't want to leave the only good thing in my life. I don't know how to leave and it makes me scared. I am having a 비행기 scare.


This blog is the only place I am truly honest other than when I am in person. If people are wondering where I am you need to read my blog. If I don't write another email for a month check here I am sure I am still standing. For people back home stop worrying its not worth the time. I don't want to hear any emails asking where are you? Are you ok? etc etc. I am not in danger.


I have a strong heart even though all the Mcd may catch up to me. I am certain its a lump of gold. If you melt it I still can make it into Bars.
I take kids abuse, I take work related abuse and I don't care anymore. Its not worth it.


The only thing I want to save my golden heart for is things that truly matter. Today was a hard day for me.
I didn't do anything I was supposed to.
Ma2 was great time, Mb3 was hell Tc1 I didn't do as well as I wanted and td1 well I guess I need to prepare a lot more too. It wasn't what I had in mind. I talked to myself for most of the time.

I need to talk to Mr. J but don't want to talk about the unavoidable.


Today my friends told me that we should go to Daegu. So I can't have my girlfriend meet them. My friends are why I am here. They turned my college life around. Indirectly they gave me the most precious gift I have ever received-I got it in Korea. They won't know that gift cause they can't plan accordingly. I hope that they can someday but who is to know.

I feel betrayed by friends. I was also told by many wise people back home Do everything you can in Korea,, Its your experience. Well I feel I have done everything but I m restricted and as a result I can't do more.

I pray for miracles everyday. I know I am not perfect. I live in a house that has nothing except a tv, its so hot and its gotten a reputation for being haunted these days. I live above my work place so there is no escape or privacy, I live in an area that's very hot. I am trying to do my soul search cause I want to do something that I should do differently but I don't know.


There is a smell of varnish or gas I can't determine. Maybe its both. The last two nights I have woken up at 6 am smelling gas fumes or fire. I panic now both times.

I think I need to get up earlier to call for jobs I am beyond desperate and the irony is that there isn't a thing I can do.


I came to Korea as a foreigner wanting to just see friends, earn some cash, and experience Korea. I had no expectations, I had no idea of what this experience would be. I thought I would go back home and tell people what Korea was and that would be that. Nowadays that's not what I have in my mind at all.

I am more responsible more caring and much more set up making my goals happen. I don't want to lose sight, I don't want anything to hold me back. If I fail I want to accept it not regret it.

I have been distant, lonely, and miserable lately at work cause there doesn't seem much incentive. I don't want that to be the case. Most of all I don't want to run away from a weird situation.

The Work problems are escalating. They are always present they are always the same.


Its the same for me everyday too. I can't help anyone. I can see many things before they happen but no one cares. I also seem to forget things well I don't forget I just want to figure out a better way.

나의 심혼 정직한 순수한 그리고 금의 만드는


그리고 당신에게 결코 눈 속임하지 말라


나의 사랑은 당신을 위해 진실하다


Thats my story for the day more later

Deteriorating

I care to much these days...

I have made one blunder after another and I am not able to figure out how to solve them.

I don't want to think of classes anymore. I have good relationships on an individual basis with some of the students but I think I can't handle teaching at this point.

Classes today were a Folly. I got eaten alive. I was just happy to see the end in sight. I don't want to think of it anymore. I want to be better, I want to do more but I don't think its possible.


Tonight I was an idiot too. I have so much disappointment in my personal attempts that I think i just made everyone feel down. I saw my pillar of strength have some cracks in it.


I hate this weather, Its way to hot. I can't handle being outside for very long. I waited for food all day. Tonight I had steamed chicken which isn't that bad but its not something I will eat daily or even weekly. We had to wait too long.


I don't want to care about time anymore. I am all about working hard, and balancing time but I still can't adapt.

I don't want to complain, I don't want to have bad feelings about anything. I want to make work better I don't want to quit or give up. I really do want to educate and see the kids but i am losing hope because for all the caring I do I don't feel satisfied with anything.



I just want to make things better and not care about the bad things. I got beaten up mentally today. I can't make the kids change at all. They have no respect for me and this makes me so sad. I have been here for a year and its not changing.


What am I missing?

Capsized Ker Plunk

So I am entering a lousy phase. I feel worthless. I have some good ideas but no one wants to hear them.

Whats the matter with work? Why is it taken way to seriously. I am up for working hard and can work much harder than I am right now but I have hit the limit for work here. I can't do anything more. Even if I could I don't see the goodness in my actions.

There aren't many students who give a damn about my teaching. They talk over me, ignore me, insult me, ask me directly if they can do other homework, sleep in class, use foul language, ignore academy rules, lie cheat, etc. The only positives that come from the kids is when they actually can share a joke and understand my humor or what I am saying its a rarity.


so I don't even care about the classes all I want is to see my darling not have stress. Its hard for me to take day in day out. I can't handle being spoken to only in Korean and treated like a zoo animal.

I don't want to teach Ma2 at all. New kids aren't what I am interested in anymore. Its just more kids to hate me or make fun of me. They won't care that I am trying to help them. I don't want to be on display any longer.
Sometimes, I wonder why I allowed myself to be conned into a 6 day job in Korea. I thought I had friends who would be able to hang out I thought I could make a difference. I thought I could be a successful teacher, and also thought I would be an integral part of the school. I am just a tape recorder. I know that if I worked any other job I would be a bigger part of something that staying here.


I want to help, I want to make something happen, I want to feel I am needed and I want to feel satisfied. I don't get it here. Not only is the situation strange, but the work I do is not important.

I am in the middle of a business scam. I have tried to change my attitude I have tried to just be patient. I am not sure if I can endure. I love talking to Christina and Vicki but either we all have classes, or they have telephone teaching. Now with Ma2 there are no real breaks, there is just OTL and disappointment floating around the teacher's lodge.

I want to go to work tomorrow and not care about the working situation. This new class is just another problem in my mind. I don't think this place is fair, and while life is not fair there are always better situations.


Mr. Jeong told me today that he hopes I find a new job before going back home well I hope he is right I need a job in order to make something work out. I don't want to lose anything...I don't want to think about my age, money, etc. Its making me disturbed.

I wish I could free myself from this place. There is no reason to stay any longer at the Academy. I would gladly stay in Korea again or longer but here there's nothing but angst. It makes my stomach hurt and my heart ache.

I wish I could do more... I want to improve Education, Work, Korea, my life anything. I don't see what I do as showing signs of improvement. Kids come and go, its just a mockery, its a joke.


Happiness is all I want to attain and doing it quicker is necessary.

Career Change

Down with Yale is what I say nowadays.
Regardless of the opinions or what happens in Yale its not a good working environment.

I came to Korea seeking adventure and trying new things. Believing that anywhere I go I would be able to have a balance between work and relaxing. I thought Saturdays wouldn't be too bad.

I will stay until August for anyone reading this.
I would like to figure out a good option but I am not sure what that is right now.

Today our boss gave us a new class...the return of Ma2. Would a dumb idea. 3 kids learning ABCs who may end up dropping or just wasting my time. I feel that because its just bodies to him.

I teach 6 classes and now I think I will have to teach 7. That means no break. Even if I am given a break later in the day I think its ridiculous.


I was shocked at everyone's reactions today. Vicki seemed disappointed and I totally understand. Christina was angry too but just like everyday is different I never thought a day that started out with the Q-U-I-T word would go to a day of being fine.


Today was typically the same for me. 6 classes in a row. The kids fooling around, not listening, and my later classes were disrespectful. I am ashamed to teach these kids nowadays.


So my blogs are powerful I think. Why?---I think I am too honest. I think I am too honest with the kids. I told them I HATE it when you cause problems and have to attract my boss. He looked in my classes 3 times today. He is such a showboat.

Not for those reasons but just in his entire persona he is misguided.

I don't enjoy working for him.


This week is going to be painful I feel. Today was not bad because work is just too fast to care tomorrow I have to deal with business matters and with the new schedule its going to throw everyone out of proportion.

Today~ I just wanted to get out of the office asap simply because I don't see the point in doing more.

Gumi is a place to work and in the time I am here I can save more money. I am hoping that I can save a lot of money before I go home. I need all I can do just to build a future.

I hope I can figure out something soon because its driving me nuts.


Its July its sweating season, its so hot I feel that there must be a first going off.

The windows are open and I got dry air. The Academy is the only escape place.

I can't wait until tomorrow! Its going to be a better day and I know I can look forward to something better soon.

Today was great though! I had a Bopping Sue, I had a wonderful time with my darling, I cleared up a misunderstanding that had been aching me since Saturday, and I didn't have major problems with the kids. I choose to brush off 99% of it.

Tomorrow I will do more to open up to more opportunities.

Soul Less

I am writing the first things that pop to my mind.

Maybe it has to do with being emotionally and physically drained yesterday. I had a so so day at work. Same Story just on a Saturday, then I got stood up by my friend on the 4th floor--I originally was going to have dinner with many people in my apartment. Later I think I made some mistakes with my writings and at any rate I worried myself into a tizzy until I fell asleep at 12.

Last night I awoke with a Jolt at 5 because of a "bomb" like noise. The firefighters came and it smelled like smoke. I got up and ran around the apartment looking for any bad signs.

I got up 2 hours later to get ready for my Seoul trip. I unfortunately wish I hadn't gone. It wasn't what I thought it would be I was too out of it to really notice what was going on---the trip I slept for 3 hours there and back but it didn't really help.


Seeing my old friend was good but it wasn't under good circumstances. There were a few things that happened that left me feeling like a stranger too.

Now I am back in my lodge able to forget about things until tomorrow rolls through. I really want to make this week amazing. I don't want to fight and I don't want to worry about things.

I don't know much right now but I do know that I can manage a little longer. I don't want to give up.

We are Fighting for something good and wonderful.