Forget-me not Fighting Finish

Today was the last day of work. I got a book from a student and a few notes. I wish I had been able to keep my going away more secretive. I have mixed feelings now. My job is terminated and I will be going home soon.

I had to fight so much in the classroom, I overcame Mr. Jeongs scrutiny and character flaws. I had to deal with faulty irrational, and misguided students. Students who to this day still don't know the meaning of RESPECT and how to behave properly. I had to forget about all of this and just focus on me and how to be a better teacher. I wonder why students or people always wait until the last minute to say their feelings.


I got a note from Amy a girl who I always thought was dumber than most kids in her age group but she liked my class and she said she'd miss me. I thought now I am too hard on her. I cared to much. I showed my temper to students a lot. It rankles me that I had to face blatant disrespect and also unknown encounters.


My Korean Experience opened up my eyes from a young inexperienced boy to a traveled man. I still lack a lot of experience but my determination and work ethic improved. I would like to think so.


Back to the central question... Why do people always wait until its too late. Its best to express your feelings now and not hold back. Here are some of mine. I want to leave this place to go to a better place. I will go home to try to get a career underway. I want more money and a stable income for my future but my future is devoted under True Love. I don't want anything to stand in the way of that.


As far as my experience here is concerned Working at Yale was mostly unpleasant. I had to many students leave without saying goodbye latest one probably being Jerry. I had too many students just treat me with so much distaste that it hurt me. If you must know the truth I don't know what to think.


I got 4 letters: Amy and Jessica Tc2 students, Ciarra Tc1 who I will remember always. I wish she would have talked to me more. and Ann---my fighting student who is smart but reserved.

Solitude has been my life here. I have lived alone, worked alone, and now face an unknown future alone. While I am determined I still don't know. I have lived alone for to long I don't know what its like to be back among people and I am afraid to find out. I care so much because I have many wonderful things here right now at this moment and my decisions are bound to have ill effects.


I sit in my room now and think of how to make the future and the world a better place. I think I made the best of my time here and now its sadly time to say goodbye. I didn't mean to hurt anyone. I am going home in hopes of establishing a lucrative study and work plan and build on a dynamic future that will take me to Korea, America or anywhere but whatever it may be it will be to my Womans heart.


So today I had a quick day at work. I didn't cry. I felt bad leaving some kids but I made it through the day without crying. I don't want to remember much of the Academy.

I will remember Vicki and Christina and how we had our system. I wish that they didn't worry so much about work things. Miss Jeong is always going to be stupid and weird, Mr. Jeong is just going to be driven for money regardless of the cost or activity, and the kids are going to be "mis-guided" country cow minded students. There are a few who stand out and I should say that in most respects the students are actually brighter than I made them out to be but I will not forgive or forget the idiocy of students like Alexa, Diane, and many more uncountable figures.


I won't get into it right now. I am sadly done. I will go home to an unknown future and a place where I am scared to be. I think I will return to my solitude as Ann told me in her note simply because I can't bear the shame and fear I have for living back home.
.

Its my Quest and hope to make everything better but I am worried now that I can't


I told many students today to do what you love. Life life to its fullest and honestly don't let anything or anyone hold back your dreams. All good things are worth fighting for and all good things aren't going to hold you back but hold you up. I have found my pedestal and it burns me that I am going away for a short time.

I write this holding out a prayer for hope. Its all we got and we can do it. We can't live our life with regret and furrowing over the unknown we can do what we want and we can do it now. Seize the Day and please Don't Worry for I think and therefore know that it will be ok.

Jam packed day

I had the day off and it was nice to spend unfortunately my last Friday here in Gumi with Christina.

I went Swimming and got some exercise. I had a good time downtown I bought a shirt and looked around I wanted to buy more and figure out some more things but unfortunately I ran out of time. This weekend I will take care of last minute things before I go back home.


I want to go home to say goodbye to my friends and family before I prepare for my career move. I want to develop a career so I can get married and have a successful business career.


Today was sad for me because it was the second to last day I will be downtown and one step closer to leaving.

Why am I sad... Well I can't be happy packing away memories and leaving behind the most important asset to my life. Its too much for me to take, I just pray that something good will happen. I knew this day was coming for the last 6months but I didn't prepare at all.


Christina packed my suitcase. It was a big help because I need her to help me pack away OUR life. This idea is very important to me because I don't want to be like another Foreigner and be leaving and that was that. I didn't mean to leave like this. Its not my intention I want the best things for my gf.

I went out for Soju and had Su dong too with the guys downstairs. It was a good time but I am glad to be back home and return to my hopeless affair of packing. I wish I could have gone downtown or Pappa again and take care of more things.



I write this post knowing that my posts for Korea are limited. I wil probably finish these tomorrow,

I dont want to end this but its time I move on from this blog to the next blog or something.


Today I had a great time only because Christina. I think of the world of her. I am kidn of selfish I don't show my real feelings all the time and I only mean for the best to happen. I know I am difficult and I know I am prone or likely to making mistakes but I will always care about all I do and I will NEVER NEVER NEVER show my temper or walk away from anything.

I will be better.


So Swim, Soju, sorrowful packing and Sweet Serenity with My gf marks my day. I won't refuse anything ever again.

Living Dreams

Its the goal of a write to write things as they see it. To tell the story as if they were there in person able to tell you this. Whether its serious, funny, honest or just a fact this comes from the heart. Its my last Thursday this is becoming more and more not how I planned but then again that's life.

From the beginning I had my Ma2 class which I teach once a week and thus far still haven't connected to the kids and don't intend to. They aren't bad students but I am tired of ABC teaching. I have had a problem doing ABC and then doing T-O-E-F-L lessons its just not a conducive situation to me.


I actually cared when I taught my last classes and felt bad for not telling them I am leaving. It will be a shocker for sure and I regret not telling Rick or Hyena. Those two I have taught the longest I think.


I am leaving and I don't want that to show that I am giving up. I feel there is a better situation out there for me, Christina and Vicki too. My leaving has nothing to do with the dumb kids---I say that because today I found out that some students expressed a regret for treating me poorly. Its horrible. Most of the kids didn't even care I was leaving but rather who would teach them. I feel bad to say this but I think just like when Pearl left none of the kids cared at all. The kids are here only because their parents and if they leave they wouldn't say goodbye. I don't want the kids to be a reason for anything. This job hasn't been good to me and I don't want anyone to be here.

I taught Rose my TD1 star (ex-star) nowadays I am tired of her. I used to be tired of Hwajin, the ex-Td2 student who doesn't even come anymore. Rose is that new girl. She is a class of one and a complete waste of space. I talked to her and asked her questions about everything and felt worthless doing it. She is a girl who can't think a single thought on her own. I tell her stories to try to motivate her but there isn't motivating a girl who works like clockwork.

I was told today by my best student it will pain me to have you on a plane. I was touched and felt saddened because its already going to be hard. I am leaving I can't imagine.


This is my final week in Korea. I am scared, sad, and wish I had a clear answer. My answer is vested into Christina. I would probably kill someone if she wanted that's how much I love her. Not only is she my best friend, girlfriend and future wife but she is the person I want to walk through the world with. I miss my family my friends but I can endure being without them. I want to push myself harder I want things to happen and do the unthinkable. I wish I knew more to do cause I don't know.


It was the last teachers meeting and this is killing me to write this as I speak I can't imagine not working with Vicki and Christina now. They wash my cup for me they take care of me they help me out so much and they don't care about anything when it comes to me. They will share all with me.

We have a diseased secretary a weird boss and a system that doesnt do anyone favors Life back home will not be perfect---I won't make as much money, I wont have a good job but I think it will be better than the job. There is nothing about this job I like to put it bluntly.


People said I was a fool for staying longer, people think I am foolish for believing in what I do. I feel ripped apart and stand alone because all I care about is making the impossible POSSIBLE.

I will go home and I will work harder than now. I will build a future worthy of everything and pray beyond prayer that come Christmas time I can unwrap my greatest present.


WE can do this


more notes about today
I am virtually done cleaning my house and my office space. I have some shopping I would like to do and some last minute packing but everything is done. Tiny little boxes makes me think of setting up a perfect future. I want a house with a bedroom and a closet for 2 people I want this so much and I just want to make things work out. I will do anything ANYTHING.

Saying Goodbye to Vicki was hard. I hope that she and Christina can make things together. I will come back asap. I know it.


Don't cry anymore I will not do this.

Trying to Avoid Despair

Work at Yale was usual. It was the last hard day I think. I said goodbye to most kids until Mr. Jeong told them that I was leaving and so I had to tell the kids an official goodbye. I think I made more mistakes by trying to avoid this scene because in my opinion it wasn't good.



Saying goodbye to Dana was the hardest just because I think she is a good student and tries to talk to me most of the time. She is so nice I hope I see her again before I leave. I hope Molly says goodbye to so I can see at least know she cared about me instead of being a poor student not bad student but a poor one.


I was letdown today by Dana because I gave her and the class a treat and didn't think that they liked it well enough.


So I am packing my bags and loading up my memories. I am desperate now because I don't want to leave my girl in this unstable situation.


PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I won't let you down I am sorry I had to leave and I will save more and more.

I can't bear this cleaning and choking on tears that won't come because I can't.


Time is too short here both literally day by day but as well as overall time.

I feel that we can have our life the way we want it anywhere you want Korea, America, etc. You will never hate America I promise. I don't hate Korea I love Korea actually. I think its a wonderful place to live and make money I just don't like the weird situations.

I am not like everyone else I want whats best for US and I don't want to make any mistakes. I have to leave right? I wont let you down ever. I am going to make you so proud and happy of me in America


I love you so much, I love you the way you smile at me, and give me a heart shaped gesture with your arms over your head, I love your singing, your dancing, your everything.

What I am doing is never to make you sad or angry I want more for us so much.


I write this with you in mind as always
__________________________

Memoirs of Me

I got my bus ticket, I went to the bookstore for the last time today, I ate a lot and went to Papparoti as well. I cleaned my house and took care of many things are the place.


Work was laid back. I had my classes and just like it started it was over.


I had my best site today just seeing Christina while I was teaching my final class. She was just doing her job and just looked so cute. We have a special communication that crosses all boundaries. I love her smile so much it lights up the room, and it makes my dull class a little better. I teach a girl who yawns and doesn't give one iota about English.


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My memoirs from today and all time...

I live in the countryside where people are more skeptical, more judgmental and ultimately provide a hostile atmosphere. The lady who gave me my ticket couldn't speak English at all. I think certain job types should know basic rudimentary English but she was so stupid I think I would have had more success with an elephant. Peanuts please.


Miss Jeong said hi and bye to me today...thats a first.
She is so weird to ask me or Christina for favors. She never asks during work time but always inconveniences us at improper times. I think she a special vendetta against me. I think she doesn't approve of my relationship and she is to shallow to try anything new. She won't stand up for herself she is a work slave not knowing the difference between right or wrong. She doesn't answer the phone all the time because she can get away with it. She dumps work on Christina and I wish Christina would fight her. I hate her because of what she does to Christina.


Mr. Jeong is a foolish man for giving her keys to the Academy. She does all the things he should do. he doesn't know when kids come or go. It angers me because if he did then he could change the policies of the Academy. He runs errands and has his life too full of things to manage his academy affairs.

I have been here for too long its a known fact. I haven't seen anything that makes me feel that there will ever be change here. Mr. Jeong is obsessed with his money, and he will control everything he can I don't want to see my darling and future wife under his whims it pains me to think about her hard work and sacrifice going to him when he isn't interested in taking care of us.


I am tired of Miss Jeong thinking she is the one in charge of Academy affairs. She has no concept of what its like to be a teacher, and she can't listen when people tell her NO or anything. She doesn't learn she is incapable. In a big city she would be swallowed and fired before tomorrow morning. I want to make a career maybe even in Busan to provide a stable safe, and fun job atmosphere for my future family. I don't care about anything else.


So I will terminate my blog this week I am sad to announce this but its time to end the Yale saga stories.


Palmer's Travels can be changed to Kim-Palmer travels I hope


I feel more depressed now than I did in the morning because its slowly creeping inside me that I have to give up this life. I am thinking I did something wrong and I am a horrible person for leaving. I got the most dearest and precious thing in my life and I don't want to lose this thing ever.


I am on my knees begging God to fix me before its too late.


I look around my house now and I see just many things left undone waiting for me to pack away and be swept away with me.


I dont want to leave Yale thinking I am doing something all for not. I pray its the right thing...all I know is there isn't a thing I would not do now. I am willing to do all.

Forever~~~

Busan Revisted

My final trip to Busan for awhile. I was a little tired because I had to work early Saturday morning, I also was a little sickly from a weird Friday happening.


Busan started out in Gumi where we had a lunch and DD drinks at the Train Station
Gumi Yok is my favorite place in Gumi its where everything is. Its a place where I want to remember.

I hope that we pass by it many times in the future.


Love riding the train with my girl. Even if she sleeps mostly. Its a great way to have conversation and also just enjoy good views and scenery. I think its a best way to escape the fast life by riding a fast paced locomotive down the tracks.


Busan was good. We went to her University and also had dinner with her brother. Her University is a place that I would like to visit again. I hope to live here actually there seems much more to do and ultimately better. WE can make many dreams come true.


I want our kids to live in Seoul or Busan.


The Sea was spectacular and the music was a hit. I felt sad to think that our life can't be like this all the time. I think it could be but our job and living in the country gets us down. I want to live in the city because we can take care of things better.



WE stayed in her brother's home and spent the next morning having breakfast next to the coast I hope to go back sooner.

Final Monday

Today marks my last day of work on a Monday. I spent the mornings tidying up a bit around the house and preparing for what will be a busy week. Its horrible I am not at all ready to go now. I feel like I need more time and I wish I could make things easier here but I am not entirely sure how to do that either.


So in the morning I enjoyed hanging out with Christina, and packing a little. I hate packing I feel like a criminal. I am leaving the crime scene and I am trying to take away any traces.


I don't want to remember anything here except for the good times infinite about Christina. I don't want it to fade into a memory either.



Its sad for me to write and think nowadays.


I am going home soon I can't believe it. Its going to be a awful shock:(


I am telling myself this is for Our future but I am just hoping things will fall in place. I just want this to work out more and more. Distance doesn't scare me its the prospect of not making the right choice that worries me.


Today was a fast day the M3 classes were my last time teaching them and I didn't care when I just said see you later. They have no idea that I will be gone soon.


Leaving is hard, staying is harder and I just think of sitting on the dock of the Busan Sea thinking calm tranquil thoughts in a what would be a great Korean city to live.


CAN YOUR BROTHER FIND ME JOB????/I hope so I want to make everything possible.

My Traveling Companion

I have been more or less gone for 3 days. I was sick on Friday with strange symptoms that left me in my bed after work. I fell delirious and weak at work so I gave no homework and floated through classes.


I wish Mr. Jeong would have been more helpful like teaching a class for me but no he's just pushing us as hard as he can without losing a dollar.

Saturday I worked in the morning feeling much more perkier. I made it through all of my classes and went as fast as I could to meet Christina downtown for your Busan trip.


I hope that this isn't the last time I go to Busan I was in a state of Nostalgia and remorse for part of the trip. I sure hope I am doing the right thing.


I went to Her school which I hope we could maybe go together someday if its possible. I want to show her my campus so much and make it her home. We got all of the world for us though I know.

After Campus we went to the beach... It was a beautiful scenery and it was nice to just sit with her and not care about work or anything. I wish we had planned it a little more but it was a very good time as always. We stayed at her brother's house and it was good to see her brother again too.


Vacation is always so fast.


We are keeping scrapbooks of our memories now I love her artwork so much and I love holding onto these memories.


I am packing because this week I will finish my work. I am only planning on quitting this job I will never leave behind my better half. This is going to kill me to leave I keep telling myself its going to be good and its for the best but I am worried still. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am just hoping for a miracle.


I think my leaving will make for a better future if I can get some money saved and also work on a degree program some more.

Work here will always be the same for me. This week I expect kids to throw fits over homework, over my teaching, etc. I expect complaints from parents via phone etc. I think Mr. Jeong will be wracking his brains trying to decide how or what do and I think that the three of us will just push ourselves through this goo of a mess.

In this week I want to make 2 facts Firm:
1. My leaving is only a temporary thing, and I am not leaving behind something that I shouldn't
2. MY world is full of happiness and I am burning of the shining heat inside because of my centerpiece.

I envision a strong future where we will share many dinners, walks, movies, getaways, and our fortunes and fortitudes together. My home is inside the heart. And our home will be great. Also forever will I only have 1 traveling companion.

I am glad I got married once already in a dreary one night carnival in 5th or 6th grade I can't remember...