Hopeless Expectations

I no longer care about the Academy at all.

I want to clarify something here.... I am a man of strong ideals and principles and I do want to work hard and love hard work. As my book says Study Smarter not harder thats a good motto to go by.

I was teaching Rose my smartest student in name of class only. TD1 is the highest level. She doesn't do anything. She listens well, but often looks bored out of her mind. She has no hobbies, no interests to me she is just a walking dud. She doesn't do anything~~~ I used to think of her as my best student. Maybe it was Jully.


I think this is the attitude of most of the kids though.


I hope so much that we all leave here. I don't like checking worthless homework that is garbage anyways. I don't like things being made a big deal. I do my job. I ask the kids for their homework, I tell them to come to my office to visit with me maybe I am unapproachable because I never read homework.


I think Email is a crock because there is no way to insure that the kids are getting emails. Kids are dropping because of our boss~~ his methods aren't good to them. They hate his class. We follow his policies blindly I do it because it gives me money and time with Christina.


I really hope she leaves sooner just because I can't bear the thought of her working here. Being tied to the phone, checking up on the secretary, and taking care of Crybaby's who apparently can't understand that women wear underwear of all things is totally beneath my patience and I can't understand why we continue to live this way.


I say this because I have found my second family and I know that nothing I do will ever change my feelings about that.


Work is pointless for me. I feel no reward I just get paid back for being different.


It was a wonderfully spent morning preparing for a busy day at work and a good night walk.

I remember the night walk in Seoul and think how much better life was and how much I would just stay in Korea despite not being fluent all because of the harmonious and calm feeling I get when being with C.

Centerpiece of my life

So today I realized just how much I want to work even harder. I went downtown to take care of many things before the work day began.

Work was typical~ Level up students, many kids have dropped the Academy is in a quiet phase I kind of prefer this. I wish things weren't so hectic though in the office I want to help more.


I spent the morning working on personal things and also eating lunch with Christina at the Chinese place. The only thing on my mind is Christina these days. I can't care about anything else.


Here is the thing and I am just going to say this here. I came to Korea wanting to learn and wanting to see what could happen in my life when living abroad for the first time.


I have something that is much more than that. I have my better half, my best friend, my confide, my love and the woman I want to marry. I am not worried about other things as they will follow suit.

I lied to a student today because I don't want them to know I am leaving. I don't want more news floating around the office. I am ashamed but I think that the kids won't even care when I am gone.


I write this now because I need to say this I am wanting to make miracles happen, I want things to be enriching and wonderful. I would gladly live more in Korea and I plan to do so in the future.


I want to Plan more things now though because its important we do this. I think that living in America would be great for anyone ~I don't want my leaving to represent something bad.


If I came back and I am certain I will I will want to work in some city that is big, and a young people town. I would also hope or want to live with my girlfriend. I would like a better job.


I want to say this too..

This Academy in my opinion is so so. It would get a C. Mr. Jeong is a trying man he isn't the worst or definitely not the best as well. He is interested in himself mainly. I don't like spoon feeding baby's who will just spit it out all over me. I don't like seeing elderly people ignore me more than young people our age who would accept me, and I think that the longer we stay here is not good. I don't want Christina to feel poorly due to work problems I can promise a better future no matter what we do or where we go.

I think too much about my leaving but its a fact and I cant change it. I promise things will be better. I am going to school again. I want to go in order to insure a more promising future.

I want to make enough money to support family.and also do whatever I can in order to make things happen. I say just because its my biggest wish to fulfill.


Today classes were so so. I am happy to say I didn't talk to Mr. Jeong about my classes so it was fine. I will have to talk to him tomorrow and try to figure things out.


Going back to School, settling down in Missoula and making money for my future Wife is what I want.

An Uncle's nephew

I have been called Nick, Teacher, Babo, and many other names, I have been looked at with hatred, with love, and with every other emotion from A-Z mostly between Curiosity and hatred unfortunately.

I have felt bitter because I am uncertain as to what I should do, I have had to defend my actions to my friends leagues away from me because my friends here are limited and not really what I would call good friends.

Today was a typical day not worth mentioning. I had a good morning as I always do. I felt a little guilty like I am always feeling and work was another typical jaunt of who cares.
I say that only because I am tired of caring what the kids think.

My classes:
TC2: students who talk in Korean, don't do homework and basically SSDD
TD2: Julie and Sarah are idiots~ they play with themselves more than focus on my lectures. I dont care for them and want them to get out of here.
TD1: my special Rose~ a gifted bright student who doesn't like English much and doesn't really do anything. She doesn't talk, she has no hobby's and she doesn't seem to be interested.

I really hope that we find a better place. there is a better place because Kids care about English in other places more. Kids are disciplined more. No matter what we can't sell ourselves to this system. Our teaching can and will be better.
I will not divulge any more on this today....


I was given the best gift other than my darling's love and support the other day.........


A kid I have met 3 times called Me Uncle. So I have been called as I said Nick, Sam, Waegook much to my chagrin, and Teacher, and still I ma primarily viewed as an Outsider. This kid ignored me most of the time but he said goodbye and I really hope to see him again. I want to hold him in my arms and I want to have a son and or daughter or plural like him just because of him calling me Uncle.

Christina and I are together ...Christina is his Aunt and I wish to be his uncle too. I am finding myself having a desire to raise a family and build stronger family traditions with what I got.

I can't express my gratitude and my cozy warm feeling enough. I dream of this and this is why I work.

I want this more and more and I am on my knees.

I will expound on this later but I found true love and a nephew in Korea. I want to cherish this forever.

Revolving

I am out with the truth...
Today was a wonderful day. I met some great people. I think that my future sister in law has a nice husband, she was also nice as well.


I wish I had been grilled more and I wish I had said more. I am very capable of talking and socializing better unfortunately I am dealing with kids predominately and haven't seen the real side of Korea.


Work was work
I had a goal to just enjoy classes today. I had 5 maybe 6 good ones. I regret this everyday now but I am done with Academy's. I wish I wasn't now...


My dream is to build a wonderful future. My age, race etc. is already defined I can't change it.


I do nothing but think about this. My expectations of myself have been raised to a new level due to the fact that I now want more in my life.
I will make the bar I promise.


~~~~~~~~~
Dilemma's
*What Job
*How and Where
*Etc.


Together we can fight through all of this. Time will tell everything but with my heart as driven as it is we can succeed.

I have so much I want to say about this but now isn't the time.

Paradise

Today I went swimming again, I had foot cramps, and was a little tired but it was still nice to relax ... I will be a good swimmer too cause i need the exercise and relaxation.


After Swim I had a big lunch and rested for most of the day. It was a too fast of a Sunday.

Later in the day I went downstairs to watch a film and talk to the guys on the 4th floor they are really nice.

I write this story in haste as I have many things to do and as such I want to plan more diligently.


More soon,

I found paradise and I don't plan on leaving it.