Agonizing Expectations

I am currently on a downhill roller coaster I had a long day that just gave me more questions and not answers.

Today I got a haircut because I want to improve my appearance and be better in all aspects of my life. I was hoping to make good impressions today and I thought that this would help. It didn't.


I taught 4 classes today and none of the students showed respect to me. I love kids because they are interesting and can be fun. I want to have good times with them but being ignored in the office by them, dealing with their behavior which is atrocious and not feeling rewarded at all with my teaching has made me not care about them. The kids don't ever EVER show me respect. Saying hello is like yanking the chain on a dog to come here. I had 1 good class~ a class I don't care about because its Conversation Practice Table and only on Saturday.

I had high hopes as a teacher but I feel let down because the kids don't show respect, or give me anything its usually bad from them. I will still try and be their teacher but its the least of my concerns right now.

Maybe I am doing something wrong in my life right now I don't know what it is but I am so scared and wish I knew an answer. I have found happiness and made the best of a bad situation. I say its bad situation because a lot of the happenings that go on at Yale are difficult and truly in my opinion an excruciating vendetta.

Personally, I look at it as a job just doing the best I can I am more set on personal things and want beyond anything that I have ever had before in my life to make things work out well. I would go to any distance or any measures just to make miracles happen. I know that this is a sad story and I will only say that it isn't meant to be a sad one.

Some student asked me What are you afraid of? I said nothing, but truly what scares me is Making the Wrong Decision. I just want to make what is right.


Through all the pitfalls of the job there is so much to look forward to and above all I don't want that to change. I write this with the only intent of good things and also to not worry about the future but accept anything that may happen because I truly believe I can work Miracles and I don't want to lose sight.