Twisted Fate

I feel so much shame right now.

I had a wonderful morning~ I went shopping and I had lunch with Christina downtown. I got my exercises by walking all the way to the station. A good 30 minute walk.

Work was a new story. I don't get it. I have been here for nearly 10 months and I am still treated with kid gloves.

I hate talking about work. I am 24 years old I am here to try to teach English to students who don't care at all and to just do my best. I come to work on time and always working hard from start to finish.

I am not lazy but I would rather do less work that is good than more work that's not good. My boss called me stupid without saying it. I can read between the lines. He said I need to be more organized and to just use the copy he gave me. He runs a pretty helter skelter academy so its hard to put together something for him. I have been using it as each lesson comes up. I am the first teacher to use this book and my parts are the Foreign Supplementary work. I feel like its just a cheap textbook because there isn't anything in it. Its hard to make. My boss angers me so much and made me not want to work there much longer. I have been saying this for 6 or 7 months. I wish I could find a way to enjoy work there.

There is a new teacher today. She is practicing so she is getting to sit in the classes and just observe. This was something I wasn't able to do at all when I arrived here. I was immediately thrown into the teaching.
She is really nice but my boss made me not feel like talking. I listen to everything he says and have spent much time trying to make his academy well but I never hear a kind word out of him. I don't like it..

I hope the new teacher isn't in for a bad fate.

She sat in my class today and the kids were their genuine selves. We don't care about English or Nick teacher at all so we are going to be disrespectful. They didn't listen to Classroom rules, they didn't listen to me at all, and this was the best day they had actually.
They answered 90% of my questions. They embarrassed me and they made me feel shameful about my teaching and I ended up punishing the entire class for not listening like it will do any good. I told everyone you can translate 4 times instead of just two. The new teacher "Vicki" had to explain to them.

I ended up going for a long bus ride after work. I really felt like crying and I don't know if I can take anymore personally. This job is killing me. I am feeling sick and amazingly I haven't yet been sick in Korea. My legs are numb and I am tired. I wish I knew an answer.

Am I doing something wrong? I don't even care about the work side of my life right now I am just wanting to put Pangaea together. Pangaea is the world and my world is centered around something bigger than the sun, moon and stars. I am just trying borderline desperately to put together everything.